I wanted to blog a few days ago about how stubborn I was and wanted to prove to everyone including the Dr's that I knew my body better then them, and that I would make it past the 14th. Which was the orginally C-section date. I really wanted the 27th but there was no way the Dr's would allow that. And now I can see why and I honestly dont know if I would make it or not till then, just in the past day or two the pregnancy "feeling" of being done has really hit me. My hips have been hurting/grinding, I am getting kicked in the ribs so its hard to breath, pressure on my back, the whole nine yards. Then again I wonder if the reason I have been feeling that is because I refused to let my body feel that way before and now that I know its over, I am giving in to my body's natural course. But anyway I didn't want to blog earlier in fear I would jinx myself.
The one thing I wanted to say was, I always made fun of my mom being a "freak of nature" when it came to pregnancy. She never had any pregnancy symptoms, and the only way you could tell she was pregnant was the basketball shaped thing in the front. My biggest thing is that the night before I was born she was playing tennis! To me that is just crazy and thought she was nuts for being able to do that. unfortunately I wont be able to compare my labor and delivery to her since I have to have a c-section, but she had no problems whatsoever and basically "popped us out" my brother and I both were quick. I always made fun of her but now I realize that maybe if I was only having one that I would be the same way. I really haven't had a bad pregnancy at all. sure the heartburn caught me off guard and it typically was because of what I ate or what time I ate in relation to going to bed. I really haven't had any back problems, until a day or so ago, only within the last few weeks have I started swelling in the feet, but its quickly remedied by laying down with my feet up. Of course at first I was not used to my legs feeling heavy, so stairs would be a work out, but it was because of the amount of blood my body was trying to pump with two babies. I didn't have any morning sickness, and really didn't start getting the "I'm always hungry" feeling till about two weeks ago, and it would be on and off. So I reflect now on the pregnancy and have to say that I feel very blessed and lucky to have such an easy pregnancy.
Now my recent feelings have been very difficult to describe. Of course I should feel so excited, and dont get me wrong I am but its being over shadowed by sadness. I know that is not a normal feeling, but after going through IVF and all the shots, tests, etc. I feel like I worked so hard to get pregnant, that the Dr is just going to take it away from me so fast. Of course all pregnancies come to an end, but its only the beginning of the rest of their and their babies lives, but its still hard to think of it that way. Do I want to stay pregnant forever?--Heck No. but just the thought that with IVF you are working to get pregnant and that is what you focus on is the intial getting pregnant, that you dont really think about doing IVF to get pregnant to have a baby type thought. So I have to admit this whole experience is a bittersweet one, I am so sad that my IVF journey is going to be over, but I am so happy my IVF journey will be over. Also I was nervous about the spinal block (the needle) but after my pre-op today and they explained how they numb the area so I wont really even feel the needle break the skin, I feel a lot better about that. The other item I am worried about is breastfeeding. Its the unknown factor, of course I want to try and breastfeed, but its that, what if my milk doesn't come in, or the kids dont want to take, etc. things I cannot control. Everything I have basically been able to control so having something that I am not able to control, makes me a little worried. Also I hate to say it, but I am glad I wont get much sleep the first night because I am so scared to spend the night in the hospital. I have never spent more than a few hours in a hospital, so staying over night just makes me a little upset.
Anyway.... I only have a few hours to go before my babies will be here, this will be so wonderful and of course I will put pictures up when I can.
One last parting picture of my being pregnant for the final time.
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