FamilyTown

Embryos

2010-11-18T13:11:00.000-06:00

I have thought to myself... FINALLY. Well I haven't forgotten about my embryo story. not a day goes by that I dont think about it.
This post was extremely hard, mentally to explain things but emotionally. Everytime I would start to write I would cry.
I know it seems weird I can say that this was hard to write before actually writing anything.... well technically I have written roughly 5 or 6 posts and deleted all of them on this topic. Why do I have such a hard time, its because when dealing with invitro to begin with people are EXTREMELY opinionated and embryos well that is even bigger opinionated topic. With that being said I welcome all comments, good or bad. I have come to terms with my decision and dont really care what others think, nothing anyone says will change my actions right now. -Sorry if that seems harsh.
Ok before I get into my process I know most know what an Embryo is, well let me say you know the technical definition of an embryo. Here is what it really is..... YOUR LIVING CHILD. Not just a fertilized egg. My embryos are my children. my egg fertilized by Craig's sperm and at 7 day gestation.
So why am I talking about embryos, no I am not thinking of getting pregnant, but in May of 2009 I had my egg retrieval and on May 13th I had my Embryo transfer of 2 embryos, leaving 4 embryos to freeze. The fertility clinic I went to give you a year of free storage. After that year you begin to pay 45 bucks a month for storage. Well this past June I got my first bill. The dollar amount was not a big deal its what the bill represented.... making a decision. I had not thought about my embryos since they told me four were frozen, so for this to be the way it comes back up was tough. Literally how do you put a price on love... well they did it for me 45 bucks a month.
For most IVF is not something you are super familar with but, before you begin the process you have to sign a TON of paperwork, they ask you questions like; in the event of a divorce who gets control of embryos? As a spouse do you allow the other to take your sperm/egg to produce a child, if they are not able to do so on their own, etc. When it comes to the embryos they give you options on what you would like to do. Well there is so much paperwork, they once we signed it all I never looked at it again, there was no question in my mind that we would be together, so not concerned. But they also had questions asking about once we were done with IVF our choices for the future of the frozen embryos. The choices were 1. allow transfer of all embryos at an inopportune time. (in a nutshell that means pay money to have them put the embryos in you during your period to cause you to essentially miscarry) -that was a HECK NO! 2. embryo donation, we give them to the clinic to allow a couple to donate the embryos. 3. donate to embryo research. 4. ask fertility clinic to dispose of them. (they would thaw them out and not do anything with them).
I know everyone is different but I think its pretty obvious that option 1 and 4 are out. I cannot imagine killing embryos. Even before going through any of this those would have never been options.
So my battle came between donate for adoption or for research. I know people feel that embryo research is killing a child, and to some extent I do agree, but for me I would rather my unborn children help benefit children in the future. With embryo adoption, the reason I had a hard time with this is that I have no problems carrying children and the only reason we would not have them would be because of money, and to give them to someone else and fast forward 18 years when they could contact us, I would not have a good answer on why I gave them up for adoption. The chances of that happening are slim to none, but it still haunts me. Now the costs of the two choices. donating for adoption, free, we just have to go to OKC to sign a form and give a vial of blood for testing. cost for embryo research minimum 750. that is for the costs of shipping the embryos to the research facilities-I know what some are thinking, if they want the embryos they should pay... nope not nearly enough funding for that. But 750 isn't that bad when you consider 45 bucks a month for a minimum of 5 years. I say 5 years because that is when my dr office would want me to make a decision to do something with them. and keeping them in storage is an option, but most are past their "baby making" time frame so thats not a typical option taken. Well even with the 750 costs I was willing to donate to research, well thats when it became really hard. Although they offer it as an option the fertility clinic does not have any research facilities to refer me to or help with contacting. And I know most have not tried researching embryo research facilities, and even if you have finding out if they will take embryos or who to contact to donate embryos is next to impossible. So since this has been so hard I have started looking into the idea of the only option for us is donating to embryo adoption. My problem with this is, I have looked into embryo adoption and for couples wanting to adopt, not only do you have to go through 5 hundred screenings, test, etc. but it will cost roughly 25k just to purchase the embryos. To me this seems like a huge scam. Fertility clinics are making a killing on embryos because you cannot get paid to donate embryos but yet they can charge nearly 25k for someone to have the embryos and even then, thats only for the frozen, the chances of a successful thaw are close to 1 in 3.
So I have been dealing with all of this for a few months now and when I talked to my doctor they recommended that I just pay the storage fees for atleast another 7 months (basically they said 2 years from when I did the transfer) they really said 2 years after the kids were born so I would have another year, but they said minimum 2 years from transfer, because my hormones are sitll all out of wack.
When I was told this I just kind of stopped trying every day to find facilities to donate too, but i still occasionally look around.
What I have decided to start looking at doing is trying to find a couple in need of embryos that cannot afford to go through the adoption process. I know that sounds crazy but you have to keep in mind that most couples who have reached the point of embryo adoption have tried and been unsuccessful in IVF, which for most will cost anywhere from 7k-18k a round.
So the final verdict as it stands today is I will keep the embryos until May 2011, and will reevaulate the situation at time.
***I know what you are thinking, why do this if you are going ot have more kids.... well that is the part I decided to leave out of the post, in a nutshell we do not want anymore kids, there are several reasons for this decision, which I may get to a post at some point in time***

To all the Mother's out there.

2010-11-15T21:21:00.000-06:00

I know I need to catch up on my posts, but this couldn't wait.

*Invisible Mom*

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible..
The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie
this? Can you open this?? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a
clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer,'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'Some days I'm a crystal ball; 'Where's my other sock?, Where's my
phone?, What's for dinner?'I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the
eyes that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!? One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .
I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devoured - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great
cathedrals - we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend
he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say, 'You're gonna love it there...'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

Ear infections, pink eye, broken bones and a baby

2010-10-08T10:19:00.000-05:00

Last week, well the beginning of the week had been fun, and on Wednesday is when the "fun" began. When I picked up the kids on Wednesday from daycare, it seemed to be a normal day. The night had been a little rough and looking back the past week the nights have been rough. Caysen had been waking up roughly 2-3 am and not wanting to go back to sleep. He would go back to sleep but only if you were holding him, and not craddling him, but holding him upright. Which is not the most comfortable for Mom. Once he had been asleep for about 45minutes, you could attempt to slowly lay down with him on your chest, but he would wake up 50% of the time, then you start over until about 5:30 where he wakes up for the day and wants a bottle. So I picked up the kids from daycare and Caysen was as happy as could be. Both of them didn't eat as much as normal, but it was only a day or two of that, so nothing to be concerned with. What was a little different was that Price had what seem to be sleepies in her eyes. I put her in the car and wiped her eyes with a tissue. The car ride home was 15minutes and when we got there her eyes were goopier then before. So I kept looking at it and when Craig got home he even mentioned it. I cleaned her eye with a cool cloth and we went to the park, just being at the park her eyes seemed to get puffy and red, but she wasn't rubbing. Wednesday night she went down fine, but woke up in the middle of the night with her eye closed shut from matting. I called the Dr. and took her to the doctor. I figured she had pink eye. She was acting fine, so didn't think much of it. To my surprise the doctor said she didn't have pink eye but had two severe ear infections. I was shocked! They gave me meds and then after talking with my babysitter, I started piecing things together, and it all made sense, but it also shed light that Caysen may have an ear infection as well. Of course it would have been easy to take both kids to the doctor, but I had no idea there would be an issue, and it would have made sense to set up an appointment for Caysen before leaving the doctor. but of course not me. I called two hours later when it dawned on me. So that afternoon I took Caysen in and of course he had one as well. I was so happy and so mad at myself at the same time. Since the kids hadn't been sleeping through the night I was happy because this could be the reason why and I wouldn't need to put much work in to getting them back to sleeping through the night. But at the same time I felt mad at myself because I felt like I was being a bad mom. Mothers should be able to be in tune with their child and one little change I should noticed. and I didn't. The great thing about that night was that I gave them meds and they slept almost through the night. I say almost because they both woke up around 4:30. Mainly Caysen woke up because he was hungry and he woke Price up. That was an improvement. The only bad thing about the meds was that it made Price very sick. The doctor prescribe Augmetin (sp?) and Caysen did fine on it, even with flavor Price was not having it. Not only did she get sick, and I mean she was throwing up two hours after the medicine. And to add to Price's issues she is TERRIBLE at taking medicine. You literally waste half the medicine when you give it to her. I feel like a bad parent then as well because the best way to get her to take the medicine with minimal spill is to let her start crying and since her mouth is open you can put it in.-cruel I know but you do what you gotta do.
So on Thursday I was playing doctor with the babies when I got a phone call from my brother. Its nice to hear from him, but I always get worried when I do hear from him, because we dont talk that often. The conversation didn't start off great when he asked when was the last time I talked to mom. This was about 7pm and I told him around 5 when she was headed to Uncle Churbby's house (its a family members house that is litterally falling apart and he is too old to take care of it, so my parents are trying to make it liveable again). Well my brother said he didn't have details yet, but he pulled up to the house and saw my mom on the concrete face down with blood everywhere. -needless to say I was freaking out. Well long story short my mom was closing up the house and her hands were full, she slipped on the door frame and tried to break her fall with the storm door, but it didn't hold and she feel down the concrete steps. She broke her nose (actually has to have surgery next Tuesday on it) and fractured her radial head in her arm. Of course if this had to happen to anyone my mom is the best person, she is such a trooper. I get my extremely high pain tolerance from her. But its been a week not and she is doing great. We are actually going up this weekend to visit them. My main goal is to help get some of their to do list done. taking down wallpaper, painting, staining a fence, etc.
Well what a week, really what a day. On top of everything going on that Thursday one of our good friends was being induced on Friday. So I was trying to get everything I could done for them. (long story short, they dont have a lot of help around here) Luckily Heather's hub was home with her so I didn't have to do too much. So on Friday I was taking my trips to the hospital, bringing breakfast and lunch to Jeremy and checking on Heather. I am proud to say that at 6:27 pm Brynley Nicole Davis was born. 7 lbs 1 oz, and 19 1/2 inches long. She was so precious.
What a perfect ending to a crazy week.

Girls day out

2010-10-04T15:11:00.000-05:00

Last Monday Craig, Caysen and the F-I-L, traveled to Dallas for Caysen's helmet appointment. I took this day to spend some quality time with Price. The tough thing about having twins, and really more then one child close to the same age, you never seem to be able to give them individual attention, and when you do give them attention it always seems like you are favoring one of the other. Recently since Caysen has had his helmet and physical therapy appointements, it has seemed like he has gotten a lot of extra individual attention. Yes I know they are only 8 months, they probably dont realize they are getting the same amount of attention. Well my thinking is, if they dont notice now, it atleast gives us practice for the future, when they will notice. I know it seems a little odd, how can you give a child more attention because of a helmet and physical therapy. With his helmet we spend a little extra time with him in the bath, scrubbing his head making sure it doesn't smeal, and let it sit a little longer, and we majority of the time put Price in her crib before Caysen because it takes the two of us to put the helmet on. And with physical therapy-yeah sure not everyone would call physical therapy fun, but Caysen is only 8 months and all they do is "play" yes its work, but he doesn't realize that. Also its typically an afternoon appointment, so the normal routine, since I usually have to take him on my own, I pick him up from daycare and leave Price there and once PT is over we go to visit Daddy, and hang out for a bit before picking her up.
So with all this extra attention I decided Monday would be a great day to just hang out with Price. Theres not a lot an 8 month old can do, so we went shopping (Target) where Price was so cute, a little embarassing, but I will take her make noises over her crying anyday. The past month or so Price has not only found her voice and continue to get higher and louder every day, but she notices that the bigger the room the more sound she needs to make, and Target was the perfect stage. I loved it, she scared a few workers, because they didn't think a little thing like that could make such a loud noise-I didn't know she could get that loud either. Price was such a "help" she loved either playing with my purse and everything in it-not so fun part, and liked holding everything I got from a shelf.
I know shopping isn't much of a girls day, but it just makes me so excited to see her grow up, so that when we do "girls days" we can go get massages, nails,etc. on top of shopping.
The rest of the day wasn't a bust at all. we went to chik fil a for breakfast, and spent a long time at the park playing on the swings, and slides. Although there isn't much we can do, we hung out at the house, took a nap together, and just played on the floor. It was so much fun.
It was so fun I think we may try and do it once a month or atleast once every other month, so I can do one month Price and one month Caysen.
Here's a few pictures from the day:

Price's shopping outfit

Enjoying the swing

Posing for the camera

Final photo before naptime

First family park trip

2010-09-29T13:48:00.000-05:00

In the past few weeks, the weather has been great. I am so excited for fall-kind of. I love the 70 degree weather, sunny, with a little wind. I love seeing all the leaves change colors. The only thing I dont like is that it means winter is coming and I hate cold weather.
Anyway last week we took the kids to the park to swing after dinner. We knew at daycare they liked being outside in the swing and at home in our swing inside, but had no idea how much fun they would have. They loved us pushing them, and seem to relax. They were so cute and of course Caysen, my little thinker, has to be the one to analyze the chains, the seat, etc. Once it met his inspection he was the daredevil trying to pull himself the a standing position while swinging, leaning to oneside and the other. It was very comical. Price on the other hand enjoyed just going really high and loved leaning back letting the wind blow through her hair. She doesn't have a lot of it but she was relaxing. But of course as soon as she saw her brother getting a little crazy she decided to swing with no hands, using her little belly has a cushion.

Times like these I really cant wait till we move and are able to get a playset in our backyard.
Its funny how we said we wouldn't be that family to have the "junk" in the backyard if the neighborhood has a park, but we love being outside so much, that we would never get anything done if we had to go to the park everytime to play. In the next few weeks we are going to go to the pumpking patch and I am so excited to see what they think of that. I am also super excited to carve pumpkins, and fix pumpkin seeds-they are my favorite. The only thing I am having a hard time with is I have no idea what the kids should be for Halloween. The reason I struggle with it is because Craig grew up not "celebrating" Halloween, and his idea of trick 'o treating was his parents allowed him to dress up like a super hero and they would let him go from room to room in his own house. -not exactly the norm. So he really isnt all about costumes, etc. This year because they will only be 9 months they dont know much about it and I just want to get them dressed up for pictures, and the idea of them trick 'o treating. I am sure a lot has changed since I was a kid.

Here a few photos of the park.

cont'd and clarification of hubby bashing

2010-09-26T20:49:00.000-05:00

My last post I had to vent a little about the hubs. All I said I did feel but I want to clarify that the biggest thing I have a hard time with now is not, not getting help once the kids were born. Dont get me wrong at the time it sucked, thats when having two babies didn't make it easy. You had lots of women who looked at me like I was the meanest women in the world because I put my kids on a schedule so early, I didn't let them "be kids". WRONG! when you have two and you are on your own, if you let them "be kids" (which that comment is just plain stupid because they are babies they need to be molded-personally opinion) I would Never get any sleep, or be able to do anything. Which most women who have had a baby know that getting a decent amount of sleep early on is hard to do let alone get anything else accomplished.
But I look back now and although I wish things would have been different and I would have had a little more help, I more feel sorry for Craig because he missed out, although it can be a litle boring at first since the babies dont do a whole lot, but I got to enjoy their first smile-which was at me. The first of everything.
What I wish I could change more then anything else is the pregnancy. And I did mention how it bugged me on my last post, but to make matters worse Friday night we went out to watch a friend's band and there were so many pregnant friends there that it was almost an overload. It just really got to me to see everyones husband being so loving to their wives belly's, you got the feeling that they were almost a little jealous that they weren't the ones caring the baby, because of the closeness, not the hormonal changes.
I think what makes it so hard to see, is that I really feel in my heart that if we got pregnant again Craig would be different he would be a little more "loving to the belly", which brings me to tears knowing there isn't another time-unless the .0001% chance we have the miracle baby happens.
Anyway just wanted to throw this clarification out there.
I am so excited about Monday. Craig and Caysen and my FIL are headed to Dallas for Caysen's helmet appointment, which leaves Price and I, and since I got cleared to lift my babies, but carful not to over do it, I am not taking her to daycare and we are having a girls day filled with shopping, parks, and getting my toes done. Days like tomorrow I cant wait till she gets a little older, so we can add massages to the list.

Warning-Hub bashing

2010-09-24T14:42:00.000-05:00

I am still on bedrest so I have plenty of time to watch "trash tv", which is what is prompting me to write this.
Most women are busy during the day so they dont have the "luxury" to watch Maury, but I do. If you haven't watched in a long time, it has basically turned into the "Are you my daddy show". Alot of these men claim they are not the dad, talk a big game, etc. And the few that are the dad's half of them man up, want to be apart of the kids life. Its very sweet to realize they want to take responsiblity. But what strikes a nerve for me is that there are 18yr old BOYS that are wanting to be apart of a newborns life, be there to help with changing, feeding. the works. Immediately I get a little mad because I had two babies and a very capable husband that did NOTHING. I dont want to sound unappreciative of my husband because he does do alot, but when I was pregnant I didn't get any support. The most support I got was that he would come to every doctor appointment-which shocked me, and if I asked him to get something for me or help me he would, and instead of complaining he would just do it. I am very independent so most of the time it didn't bother me, the other thing he would do is always hit the handicap doors at work, when I would visit him so I didn't have to open the doors. and that actually bothered me because it made me feel helpless. But I never got foot rubs, back massages, anything. The only thing that he wanted to do was help with late night cravings-which I didn't have. When he realized that I didn't have sonic, mcdonalds, wendy cravings he was a little disappointed.
Once the kids were born he helped a lot at the hospital when he was there-my choice, I wanted him to work while I was in the hospital if he wanted to so that he could spend more time once the kids were home. The way he acted in the hospital I felt very encouraged he would be an awesome dad-never doubted it. But once I got home, he basically stopped and while he went to work, so did I taking care of the kids. Dont get me wrong I did have the mentality that since he has to go to work every day I would do as much as I could. In that thought I assumed, especially after the hospital, he would WANT to help me-wrong.
I am happy to report that now, he likes to help because the kids are doing more things and he can actually play with them, and every time I see him with the kids it makes me fill with joy.
At times I wonder why I got a hubby that suffered from BHS (broken husband syndrome-dont help with the kids) but I quickly realized that a lot of times you follow in your father's footsteps. Well his dad was rarely involved with him growing up, and it is very aparent he doesn't know what to do-but thats a different story.
So that is why I get so mad that I see these kids on TV that have nothing, that aren't married, that didn't plan on having kids, stepping up and enjoying being apart of everything.
I also have friends who have very involved hubby's and I have to say I am not a jealous person, but it does make me a little jealous.
ok done with the hubby bashing.

Prayer, Patience, Persistence

2010-09-24T14:20:00.001-05:00

I took a nice little break, to kind of let things fall as they may. And I am proud to report that things are going good.
My last post I had a large list of things to do and I wish I could say they are all done-but they aren't! Anyone who knows me, knows I make lists, and a major planner and organizer, so to not have a list done is a little tough to swallow,so I wont talk about that-haha.
Well the last week I really had to get my emotions in check and focus on the now and what I can do today. My biggest hurdle was and I guess technically still is, the decision on embryos. Yes I am still working on that post, its hard to get much out because of the emotions, every time I start to think about it I just cry (I blame it on the hormones still).
Ok before I explain, let me give you a little bit of background as to why I have seen more then one doctor. Most women know that your Ob is typically the same doctor that you see while you are pregnant and if you are lucky deliver your baby and who you go to for all your "woman" appointments. So a month ago I had my yearly appointment with doctor who saw me through pregnancy and delivered the twins. At my post delivery appointment of course the doctor wants you to get on a birth control, and when you are breastfeeding there are very few options, well because of my infertility the chances of us getting pregnant without assistance is zero. Most women have heard stories of ladies who have said the same thing, and then they turn up pregnant. Which in the back of my mind I wish that could happen to us, but Craig and I both agreed that if we got pregnant it was indeed a miracle and would love it. So at my post delivery appointment we declined anything. Of course he again mentioned it at this recent appointment, and gave me the IUD option. If any of you ladies out there have had any experience with these please let me know. It sounds like a great idea. What concerned me is that I have PCOS, which the doctor did say he thought my right side seemed a little enlarged. Because of the IUD not messing with any hormones, I wasn't sure if it would have any side effects dealing with my PCOS, so I was already thinking I needed to talk to my fertility doctor, another Ob. And when I asked if I should continue my metformin (I was on this while pregnant and prior to the transfer to help my PCOS)he recommended I go see Dr. B.-fertility doctor.
Ok so I scheduled an appointment with Dr. B. and before I even got off the phone to make the appointment I was a little frustrated. The nurse there, I love, MK has been so sweet and when I called to schedule she was the one I talked to and asked me what was going on. (The reason she asked this was because not even three weeks earlier I had called her to get embryo research information/direction) I explained I was calling about just needing a check up because I was experiencing pain, which I and my other doctor thought could be PCOS and I wanted to know if I could get back on my metformin. Immediately she said,"why did you get off of it?"-A question like that makes you realized you should have never been off of it. My response to her was I didn't know I could be on it while breast feeding.
MK, " Of course dear it helps increase milk supply"
I told her thank you and got off the phone. I was so upset with myself. I stopped breastfeeding at 5 months, because I ran out, and even before then I never really was able to breastfeed 100%, but I would have loved help.
This information just added to all the emotions.-I think it was the breaking point
Over the weekend I decided to just really focus on what I could control, pray ALOT, and just let things happen.
So Monday was my appointment with Dr. B. everything checked out fine, I did have some cysts and they had no problem with the metformin. During this conversation they explained they prefer I try a birth control pill and if ok to stay on that because it will help with hormones and I wont have to be on a higher dose of metformin. He is ok with the IUD just not as the first option.
We started discussing the embryos because MK wanted to see if I had any updates on it. I told her it was very hard to find anything.
*As of right now Craig and I do not want anymore children therefore we need to pay 45 bucks a month for storage, or dispose of them. The option we have selected is to donate them to research-again my embryo posts has the details*
MK and Dr. B both said to suck it up if we can and pay the storage fees for atleast another 6 months before making a final decisions, because they have seen where people make a decision and regret it, and its because they make a decision to soon after their babies are born.
With this discussion I have decided to keep paying the storage fees for another 6 months and re-evaluate. So although the decision is made right now, I still have to tell Craig, and then I have to readdress it in 6 months.
Check #1 off on my "to-do" list.
I also found a day where all I wanted to do was sit around and file bills, so that took care of another tasks.
After Monday and my appointment I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders which was great and cleared my head. I still need to file insurance claim forms, but what made my day yesterday was I received an 800 check in the mail from the hospital, refunding me part of my money for my surgery. Not sure if I posted this or not, but August was a very tough month, physically, emotionally and financially. Long story short we paid out over $8,000 for medical expenses, in less then one month.
I feel that things are looking up and everything happens for a reason.

we couldn't help but buy this shirt it reads " dude, your girl friend keeps checking me out"

This one was perfect for Price, " what part of princess dont you understand"

2010-09-17T09:49:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had so much on your mind that you dont know where to begin? Well thats how I feel right now, so I am not sure where this post will lead or not lead.
Its been three weeks now since I have had surgery and have been on bedrest. I never though it would be this hard to recover from a surgery NOT because of the physical aspect, but its been difficult because its a mental battle. What I mean by that is, that physically I feel pretty good, although today I hurt a little because of pushing it so hard the past few days, but I am not able drive (I have a little bit) do many chores, and yes its crazy but I love to vaccumm, and cant do anything. Or I should say I am not suppose to do anything, physically I feel fine, but I have to restrain myself to not lifting the kids, cleaning, being on my feet for long, no shopping, etc. I am sure to some it sounds fine, but I cant sit still and as one of my friends said, if you are a "thinker" alone time is not good for you. And I never thought of myself as a thinker but being alone really makes you think.
Well going into this surgery I was in the mindset that I would get so much stuff done, and most of them didn't require any physical activity except picking up a phone, filing, and all the none physically stressful things. What I didn't think about was the mental/emotional stress it would put on me. To try and make you understand... Have you ever felt like you were in the mood to get so much stuff done, but couldn't because you couldn't physically do it or you are busy at work, running errands, etc? Well take that feeling, then have you ever felt like you have so much stuff to do, but dont want to do it? Thats how I feel. I want to clean the house top to bottom, and cant and have to do so many emotional/mental things that I dont even want to think about. I know I sound crazy 1. because I want to clean the house and 2 because how hard can doing paperwork stuff be. well I cant justify why I want clean the house, but not wanting to do paperwork, here is my to do list. hopefully in the next couple posts I can explain why they are so tough.
1. Figure out what to do with our 4 frozen embryos
2. Complete insurance claims forms for my surgery and Caysen's helmet
3. Organize all medical bills, expenses, including the receipts for our numerous trips down to Dallas for Caysen's appointments
4. File all bills that have been paid since the beginning of the year
5. Get all receipts calculated and orgainzied
6. Work on 2011 budget
7. Help with job hunting
8. Organize/caption photos online

I know a lot of these dont seem tough, but if they aren't emotionally taxing they are time consuming. The one thing I would LIKE to do is work on my scrapbooks, but that really shouldn't be done until I have my photos organized.

Ok that is everything I have going on, well on my to do list. There are other things going on that just makes thinking clearly hard. (maybe another post)

Before bedtime bottles and after baths. I dont usually put them in matching/coordinating clothes but when it comes to PJ's I love to. these say "current family favorite"

The twins playing with Daddy on the floor before bathtime.

Mothering twins in OK

2010-09-12T15:47:00.000-05:00

This hopefully will be short, but I just have to get it off my chest.
Some of you may know that I belong to a Mom's of Multiples group in tulsa. TMOMs. I joined this when I was pregnant because doctors, books, etc. all said it was a great idea to kind of prepare yourself for life with twins. I cant say it has been a total bust but I have learned more from two fellow mom's of twins that are not in the group. One is actually by Ob's daughter, who also did IVF and the other is her friend from highschool who has boy girl twins.
I had PPD once the kids were born and I honestly think part of it was because of the TMOM group. I know that sounds crazy but they filled my head with all the great stuff, not the bad things, that I wish people would prepare you for. In a nutshell they all had husbands that were 110% hands on, and to make a very long, terrible story short I basically considered myself a single mother when it came to taking care of the twins. A and J were the nonTMOM friends that actually told me about what we can classify as "BHS" broken, husband syndrome. What we are talking about is when you have twins and instead of getting more help, you get even less help then you imagined you would. Most women figure they will be the ones changing diapers, feeding, getting up at night, but few think they will be the only ones also playing with the kids. Well the three of us had this.
I will say that A at the time worked part time at her dad's office, and J is a stay at home mom. A now is going to nursing school, but her twins are just over a year old.
I never asked them why they didn't join the TMOM group, but I dont blame them.
The reason for my raint is this...
If anyone is part of groups, more specifically email groups you know that it can be a great thing at times, you can ask questions and get lots of responses in a very timely fashion. I rarely took advantage of this because I wasn't a stay at home mom. Not becuase I cant be but I dont want to be. I feel a marriage is a parentership along with parenting (thats partially why I had such a hard time with the hubs not helping out much), and in order to fulfill my part of the partnership I want to work as well. Even if I didn't think of marriage like this I wouldn't be able to stay home full time. I applaud women that stay home with their kids, but I feel you have to be the right type of person. ok sorry I was going off on a tangent, so anyway.... most of the TMOMs are stay at home mom's or they work from home, part time etc. Anytime I would ask questions I would get a lot of responses all which would help my situation IF I didn't work full time. The biggest issue I have had recently, the main reason I am blogging this, is because emails have been going around about playdates. Now I totally think the twins should play with other kids not only their age but also with other multiples, but my problem was that all the playdates are during the week, which a 8-5 working mom cant accomadate, so I have missed them. Most recently an email went out about having playdates for mom's in south tulsa, so I made a comment about possibly playdates in the evenings or weekends. What has kind of been the last straw you could say is that most women said they cant do evening because their kids go to bed so early. I am not knocking anyones parenting style (I know plenty could knock mine) but it just shed light that I dont belong to this group. I partially think its because its Oklahoma. I know there are tons of SAHM (stay at home moms) in all states but ever since I have been here, it seems to be the norm that once you have a baby you stay home.
Ok sorry I wasted your time, but just wanted to vent. Just because you have twins doesn't mean you have to be a stay at home mom. I want to form my own group now, TWMOM (Tulsa WORKING moms of multiples)

Stitch Free

2010-09-11T15:22:00.000-05:00

Ok I will apologize right now because this post will probably sound so shallow and vain.
So Thursday I got my stitches taken out. I would really like to explain the feeling of this, but I really cant. I have tried and nothing seems to accurate portray the feeling. So here is a vague description of what they did. If you have ever had stitches removed, good for you. I have never had stitches, well thats not completely true I have had like 4 stitches that were dissolvable, so I dont think those count, since I didn't have to get them removed. Well these stitches you had to get removed but because the surgeon didn't want there to be much scarring he did internal stitches with roughly 6-8 external. If you can imagine pulling a thread out of a shirt, you know how you have a starting point and you can pull the thread almost entirely out. Well that is what they did, they had 6-8 external points wear they cut the thread and would pull, so they were dethreading me internally. Yes it hurt, but it was a very weird feeling. And I honestly believe that it would have hurt more if they hadn't cut through all my nerve endings in my stomach to do the procedure. I guess it was a good thing ;)
Ok well here is the vain and shallow part. Since I went to this doctor at my intial consultation he looked at my stomach and said that he would be able to remove all my stretch marks, yes I had a lot, so I was really excited. Well Thursday was the first day I was able to even see anything and he didn't get all the stretch marks out. I know I am lucky compared to some women who have to live with all the stretch marks, but I guess I just had my hopes up because he said he could remove them all. He never garunteed he could get them all he just said looking at the hernia and where my muscles were he thought he would be able to get them. And what sound weird is that I had three little stretch marks on the side of my hip that I knew he couldn't get rid of because my skin wouldn't be able to stretch that far, so I was excited to keep those. I thought "hey what a great trade off, remove hundreds of stretch marks and keep three little ones". Well wrong. Just so happens that my three little ones were right on the incision line, so you can see maybe 1 of the 3. Well I guess my main problem stems from seeing all the before/after pictures of people and I guess I just expected to see the after picture on me now. Of course its not there yet, I have a good two-four weeks of swelling to go down before I look anything like the after pictures. So although my mom and doctor, nurse, etc all say everything looks good its hard for me to see it, so honestly right now I am not very happy with the results. Yes it looks better then it did my stomach even know is flat, probably flatter then pre baby but I just wanted to see the curves. I think the thing I have to get over is that some people dont have curves no matter how much work they get done. If I look at it that way I am not that upset.
Ok I am done being vain and shallow for now, here are a few pictures (sorry if its TMI)

here I am before the stitches came out

After they took the stitches out

here I am standing up the next day without my wrap on. That dark hole is my bellybutton, it has disolvable stitches in it. and I am still very swollen.

Me, My Hernia, and I

2010-09-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

So on Aug. 27th I had surgery to fix my ingastric hernia. This surgery was a total of 6 hours long. The reason for such along surgery was because they had to put a medical "chicken wire" to hold my intestines in and bind my abdominal muscles together and then the muscles are secured together with live cell tissue (a mesh wall) to hold them in). Thats all interior, because of the drastic change in shape I woudl have a lot of extra skin, so the surgeon woudl then remove the extra skin, and since I had stretch marks and an umblical hernia, he just removed the front of the stomach skin. Essentially a tummy tuck. All of this took 6 hours.
This was a great thing because I no longer look 6 months pregnant, and a bonus my stretch marks(majority) of them are gone. The down size is now will have a scar horizontal scar from hip bone to hip bone and a vertical scar from pelvic bone to breast bone. I am a little scared to see what it looks like, but I was always going to have the dark line down my belly from pregnancy so its not that much different and the hip bone scar I should be able to cover up with any bottoms-hopefully.
Now this surgery means alot to me. It kind of is like my ending. Almost two years to the day (1 week shy of two years) ago I started my, what I call, pregnancy journey. Two years ago labor day weekend I had my first surgery ever. Laproscopic surgery to repair a septum in my uterus. During that surgery we found that I did not have endometrosis, but adhensions which we have determined was caused by my appendix leaking. These adhensions destroyed my fallopian tubes, thus sending us down the path of IVF. We started IVF prep Feb 2009 and did our retrieval and transfer in May. Jan 2010 the twins were born, and since we got one of each we decided we were happy with our two and are done. So August I finished my pregnancy/baby journey. I know that seems a little weird to say finished with my pregnancy journey, but basically with this last surgery having a tummy tuck doctors do not recommend having anymore children. You are probably asking why, well.. the reason for this is repairing the hernia doens't cause problems when having more children but tightening the abdominal muscles back up and removing the extra skin, means that getting pregnant again it would essentially reverse the muscle tightening and stretch out the "new" skin, which means after having any more children I would have to have this surgery again because the chances of my body going back to "pre-baby" body is extremely unlikely. So we had to make a decision on if we were wanting to have more children to post pone the surgery, but would have to find a balance because the ingastric hernia would start to be dangerous for my health. In so many words, if we wanted to have more children and didn't want to pay for my surgery again we would need to start within the next year, and after having twins, money and room would be the largest of our concerns. So of course you figured out our decision, I had surgery. Craig and I know that there is always that chance of a miracle baby, since I have to IVF to get pregnant if a miracle happens and I got pregnant we would not have a problem at all paying for the surgery again.
Anyway, I had surgery on Friday the 27th, went back on Monday to make sure everything was going ok. This appt they monitored my drainage-yes drainage I had two drains and every 2-3 hrs we had to empty them and record the amount of fluid. If you have never had drains-good for you, if you have you know how nasty it is. Well last thursday my fluid was extremely low so they took my drains out, I cant explain the feeling, except it felt like someone was pulling a worm out of my stomach. Tomorrow, Thursday, I get my stitches out. I have to be honest that I am a little scared because I have never had stitches before and so never had them removed and I just dont want the pain. Oh yeah and another sucky thing about the surgery is I am on bedrest for a month (which is more strict then I was pregnant with the twins) and what is so hard, is that I cannot lift anything including the kids.
Well I dont have any post surgery pictures (sisn't think a picture of my drains would be very pleasing) but hopefully tomorrow I can put some up. But for now here is what my stomach looked like the morning of my surgery.

I know it doesn't look that bad, just looks like I have been lazy and let fat take over, but to give you an idea I am actually 5 lbs under pre pregnancy weight.

Caysen's diagnosis

2010-09-08T11:01:00.000-05:00

I want to take a little bit of time to update you all on what all is going on. I will apologize in advance if this post is a little boring.

Well the past few months I have been dealing with Caysen being diagnosed with Left toricollis, placiocephaly and asymetrical braciocephaly. Or should I say not being diagnosed. Basically what has happened was when Caysen was born he had what looked to be a flat spot on the back of his head. At every doctor appointment we would bring his head shape up to the doctor and she would say it is fine, and it will fill out and be more "normal". Well it hadn't gotten that much better, and my babysitter had taken the twins to a mom's playdate where a mother there asked if he had torticollis. The reason she asked this was because of his flat spot on his head. She also said that her daughter had to wear a helmet. This is where it dawned on me that I should ask about the helmet thing to my Moms of Multiple Group. Seems like a weird connection but with the email group I have with them I had seen several emails about helmets, etc, but never bothered to read them because I had never heard of torticollis, plagiocephaly, or braciocephaly. Well when asking the TMOM's they had informed me that you do not get a helmet for torticollis but for plagiocephaly and braciocephaly. They recommended that I do a free screening at our local hospital. So I arranged for a screening-keep in mind still with my pediatrician saying he was fine. At that point in time Caysen was diagnosed with Left torticollis with what they believed as plagiocephaly and bossing. Becuase it was a physical therapist she couldn't technically diagnos plagiocephaly or bossing, but recmmeneded that I go to STAR Cranial center in Dallas, TX who also have a free evaluation. So within the next two weeks I had scheduled a free evaluation from STAR Cranial the only down fall-we had to drive to Dallas. Not a real far drive, 4 hrs, but far enough that a down and back in one day wears you out. Since the kids were spending a week with my parents I scheduled it so that they would go with me down to Dallas. So we made a two day trip out of it and it was nice. The twins got to see my grandparents for the first time along with my Aunt Ang and my cousins.

During this time I spoke with my insurance and found out that they do not cover orthosis that change the shape of the body. Meaning the helmet would not be covered. Once talking with insurance though, they did suggest that I still go through the process of getting preauthurization for the helmet. I was dreading the whole process because I went through a similar process roughly two years ago, when trying to see if they would cover any infertility treatments. It didn't turn out good, but what was a positive was that during the process we figured out that if we switched to Craig's insurance it would be completely covered, perfect timing.

Well of course we couldn't do anything like that with Caysen's helmet and wait till the first of the year to switch back to my insurance because time was money-literally. The older he got the longer he would have to wear the helmet and the longer he wears the helmet the greater the chance he has of having to wear more then one helmet. To give you an idea, one helmet cost roughly 2500.00 so two of those would run 5k. Althouh IF my insurance would cover we still have an out of pocket maximum of 3500. Well although insurance now doesn't cover we are only paying 2500. So in the long run we are saving 1k.

So after our evaluation at STAR Cranial I was secretly hoping they would tell us, "oh although he has a little bit of a flat spot his head is still in normal range and just seems a little more obvious now because he doesn't have much hair.

Well...... we were wrong. He actually was diagnosed with moderate plagiocephaly, mild asymmetrical braciocephaly, with right front bossing and ear misalignment. -I have to say I was shocked, I didn't know all those things were wrong, but what was promising was that he did tell us that we were catching it in time and that we would probably only need one helmet.

Fast forward a month and after gathering all the diagrams, letters of medical necessity, research, etc. (I had roughly 15 pages) of documentation I sent to insurance to try and plead my case that they should cover the helmet, we were denied. I have to say I was a little hurt, but also knew that you get to chances to appeal and I appealed once but I wasnt going to appeal a second time because if I did and insurance denied again, then they would not even consider the claims STAR cranial would be submitting. I know that probably seems weird but with STAR Cranial they have said that after submitting medical codes, etc sometimes insurance will cover. So I have opted not to try and submit the same documentation again for a second appeal. That is why it took me so long to do the first one because I made sure I got all the information I possibly could before submitting, so that if it was denied I would know I did everything I could.

Plus on a positive note, because we have spent so much money on medical this year, we will be able to file some of it against our insurance. I am not a tax expert but basically if you spend more then 7.5% of your annual income on medical , thats perscriptions, bills, travel expenses, etc you can file it against your insurance. So I am trying to look on the bright side.

Anyway I gave you all the boring information to say this. Last Thursday Caysen got his helmet! I at first was really scared because as a money you wont to protect your kids, and to find out he had to get a helmet for his head, just made me feel like I did something to cause it. Although EVERYONE has said there was nothing I could have done, especially with having twins the size I did, but its still tough, and you want to protect them and take blame for everything, and especially since I was on bedrest and couldn't go down with him to watch him get the helmet put on I figured I would cry like a baby. And I have to say when Craig sent me a picture at the Dr. office I cried like a little baby for a couple hours. But once he got home and I saw him in it, and that it didn't bother him and he looked rather cute, I felt better. You are probably wondering how long will he have to wear it.. He has to wear it every day for roughly 23 out of 24 hours of the day. He gets to take it off for roughly an hour during bath time so I can clean it daily. And hopefully at his next appt on the 13th we will find out roughly how long he will have to wear it. My goal is that he will get it off by the first of the year if not sooner.

Ok so here are a few pictures of him in his helmet. And I have to say the helmet couldnt have come at a better time. He is just now starting to climb like a monkey on and off everything so he is hitting his head a lot on stuff, and now with the helmet it doesn't phase him. Its kind of nice.

Its a little blurry b/c its from Craig's cell phone, but this is after its fitted and still at the doctor office.

Caysen enjoying his helmet and a snack.

Wow,, Dont know what to say

2010-08-03T17:01:00.001-05:00

So I told myself that I would blog more and I really do plan on it. I have to say that I applaud everyone that are serious bloggers especially the mom's out there. I really do have a schedule and have made time to do "my thing" in the evenings, but never realized that once I got the time freed up how fast it fills up.
I know I have said I will post monthly pictures of the kids, and I will, but right now my free time is filled with Baby showers, work, and dealing with insurance.
When I get all the insurance stuff handled I will blog more about it, but all I want to say right now is....
Dear Insurance,
Please explain to me the common sense in completely covering IVF that costs thousands of dollars, but yet will not cover a orthosis for a child that is only a few thousands dollars? And if you are paying to cut me open why would you not pay to stitch me back up?
anyway, just a warning when I finally get to blogging on insurance it will be a LONG one.
Dont get me wrong I appreciate what insurance has covered but I would like logic to be used when selecting and rejecting what will be covered.

On a happier note... this past weekend we got pictures taking for the kids 6 months. Man how time is flys and really notice how fast they grow when you are doing the same thing a few months down the road. Our 3 month pictures the kids couldn't sit on their own, they were not real responsive. it was the random smiling, etc. This time around they could sit on their own and not only smile on command (just because they can do it when they want doesn't mean they smile when you tell them to, but they could) and they could even laugh.
Because it was so hot, we only took a few pictures outside and the rest we did at our house, and they lasted more then an hour and were happy the whole time.
From what we could see of the pictures they were great, I cannot wait to get them back and I will for sure posts them.

I know this is a short one, but I wanted to make sure I kept the post going. Like I said I have a lot on my plate right now and once insurance which is the biggest hurdle right now is accomplished I will be able to write more about that "fun" experience and everything else going on in my life.
it always seems like when you things are looking up, its way up and when things are going bad its really bad and right now is a joyous bad time in my life. (kind of hard for a bad thing to be happy, but everytime I see the kids I realize that not everything is bad, and although things are tough I'm doing everything for a reason and thats to better their life)

6 months ALREADY!

2010-07-20T16:27:00.000-05:00

I cant believe its been 6 months already. Time is really flying. Luckily I had a goal to take a picture at every holiday, special event and since we had their birth in January. Valentines day in Feb., St. Patrick's Day in March, Easter in April, Mother's day and baby dedication in May, Father's day in June and Fourth of July, I have gotten a picture every month. Of course I am not that bad, I have taken other pictures but its easier to take pictures on a holiday, not only because they are already dressed up but its easy to remember the date.
In the next week or so I will do a recap with pictures, but until then here is where we are.

The kids had their 6 month appt yesterday. Price weighed 20 lbs 5oz. which is 97%, and measuring 26.5 inches long putting her in the 75% range. Caysen weighed 17 lbs 9oz, placing him in the 50% and measuring 27 inches tall, which he was also in the 75%. Shots went pretty good, mixing teething, with nap time, and shots, not good, but at least as soon as we got in the car they were out.
SO what have they accomplished up to now?:
*sleeping through the night-most nights, teething causes them to wake up.
*hold their own bottles to feed
*starting solids!!!
*sit up on their own
*Price has two bottom teeth
*Caysen's first bottom tooth is coming in
*Rolling over stomach to back and back to stomach
*they laugh and smile so much.
*Price knows how to play peek-a-boo and Loves it
*Caysen loves making car noises
*They both talk all the time, alot of time to each other

I love that they are accomplishing so much, but I hate it at the same time. I want to cherish them being babies and with every milestone they accomplish that's one step farther from being a baby and one step closer to being all grown up.
Some days I sit back and just watch them in amazement that I even have kids, I feel like one day I will wake up from this dream. Then there are days where I try to savior every second because the next day I will be going to their graduations and reminiscing on when they were this small.

I know people think being a parent of twins is hard, and I think being a first time parent is hard in general adding another one to the mix is not harder just forces you to be more creative. I have to say that at times it is a little overwhelming, but for the most part I am just thankful they were my first because I don't know any different. The one thing that is tough, is with two you want them to be independent faster, so again you want them to grow up for convenience but you get so focused on them being independent that you miss all the little things.
I think it makes it even harder for me because we know we are not having anymore kids, so on a day to day approach you want them to be self sufficient, but looking longer term you want them to slow down so you can enjoy every individual moment.
At the end of the day, or in this case 6 months I have to say I never could have imagined being happier then I am now, being a mom to twins. Life all in all is so much fun.

Its Been Awhile

2010-07-19T20:22:00.000-05:00

Ok so no more excuses. Life has been a little more crazy then I thought it would be, I know some may laugh because having kids, well its something no one can really prepare you for.
I have been wanting to blog so much lately but if you know much about me I am all about schedules, and I have not gotten a set routine. But I have determined that if you want to do something bad enough you will make time, and I have enough of a routine to make time. My goal is to blog once a week minimum. Especially with everything about to go on, and things that have gone on I could probably blog about something daily, but I will spare everyone the bore. Although I am not as good as a lot of people including pictures in nearly every posts, I will have posts though.
I have to say thanks to Megan from In this wonderful life after following her blog I have really realized how much blogging can recap events you want to remember in your life, and how it can help others just by reading it.
In the past I have had several posts about my journey to children and I hope it has helped someone out there. And with more things to come I just hope if nothing else besides an outlet for me, and an update for friends and family, my story can help someone out there.
More to come!

C-Section

2010-03-08T13:31:00.000-06:00

Let me say again that a c-section was not my ideal way of giving birth, but hey at the end of the day I am blessed enough to be able to give birth to healthy babies.
So my C-section was a great experience. I hated the staples but just today I had my 6 week check up and you cant even see a scar at all.
I of course wish things could be different but you have to make the best of your situation.
There isn't much to say about my c-section that I haven't already voiced in previous posts, but the few things I want to say about a C-section is...
-The numbing shots were the most painful part, and they felt like someone just pricked me skin.
-I didn't feel the spinal block needle at all. My progesterone shots I had to take for 13 weeks were 20 times harder and more painful then any needles/shots they gave me for delivery
-I cant remember much of the delivery process or hours after due to the meds, which I wish I could change
-I absolutely loved the cathiter(sp?) and taking it out wasn't paniful-actually wasn't even noticeable.
-The first few days in the hospital were a little difficult. I felt really warn down, and I think the only reason it was so tough was because I was so scared of my staples.
-Taking my first shower at the hospital was so scary. The shower was not fit for anyone to bath in, it was tiny, maybe a three by three block-very difficult to try and keep an incision dry.-but big thanks to my mom for helping me.
-Getting released in the hospital was so wonderful. Although I was the one that had major surgery, I felt like a prisoner instead of a patient that needed to be pampered because I just wanted to get my babies home.

I have to say the emotional part of recovering from a c-section and I think this could go for all deliveries vaginal or c-section, is the fear of messing something up. To me it was so tough to relax and let things heal as normal because I wanted to get back out there and do things, but then I knew that if I wasn't careful I could mess up things internally permanently. I was so worried, that if I didn't do this or that I could never "go back to normal"

Delivering the Twins

2010-03-03T11:38:00.000-06:00

So I apologize this is so delayed, but finding time well.. has been difficult. But I think not being able to post my delivery and experience right away is actually a good thing, because I would change it.
Well we left aroung 5am Tuesday morning, and to my surprised I slept like a baby Monday night. I actually had to rush to get out of the house because I slept in longer then I should have. But it I showered and did my final walk through the house, to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything.
Here is a picture of Craig and I right before we left for the hospital.

We got to the hospital and I refused to take a wheelchair up to labor and delivery. Thats me being my stubborn self. But I felt great and fine and had a lot more energy then I did the few days previous. I checked into my room and was hooked up within thirty minutes or so. Which was wonderful, but since It was only 6:15 I had roughly an hour to wait till c-section. What was so wonderful was that I was laying there, trying to find something to watch on TV(not much on in the am expect the news-BORING). As I layed there I made the comment to the nurse that the twins were having a party since they knew it was time. The nurse looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Hun you are having major contractions. Do you not feel any discomfort or pain?" I kind of laughed and was like, "umm no. These are contractions? If thats the case I have been having these for weeks now."

It was great to know that I had been having contractions and they weren't hurting at all, but on the other hand I was really upset because if I was able to handle contractions that well, I really wish I would have been able to have a vaginal delivery. I thought like that alot but every time I would get down that I couldn't have my ideal delivery. (Yes I know I am crazy but while most girls dreamt of their dream wedding I always dreamt of my "dream"delivery. A vaginal birth with no epidural.) I would just let my planner self kick in and say, "hey if I did it any other way I wouldn't get to plan their birth date,etc" So that made me feel a little better.

Anyway it was finally time to deliver, so they wheeled me back to the room and to my disappointment the room was tiny. I know it doesn't matter how big the room was since I dont move around but I just expected something else. So I made a comment to the nurse and she was like, "yeah I know, you would think a person delivering twins they would put you in the larger room, and a room that was slightly warmer, but guess thats good since we will be all nice and cozy in here." So once I got in there the "sleep" Dr came in and all I have to say is.. Prick! He was a early 30's guy, decent looking, but you could tell he thought he was hot stuff. He came in and I could tell the nurses were not too thrilled because they immediately asked about the other sleep Dr. His response was, "Oh he is moving a little slow this morning so I will knock this one out real quick so you guys can get started." I just thought to myself, "Hey dork! I can hear you and you are not that special so I can wait." Well that didn't make me feel much better because the only thing I was scared of.. well the only two things I was afraid of with a c-section was the spinal block and getting staples. Once I was told they normally dont do staples I felt much better, so the only thing I was scared of was the spinal block and having a tool bag doing it didn't make me feel any better. So the scary part came and Dr. Babb was great and he leaned me forward and was talking to me trying to keep my mind off the block. Well believe it or not, I only felt a tiny prick when they did the numbing medicine and for sure didn't feel the block at all. My shots during IVF hurt more then that, so once it was over I felt so good to go.

Once they laid me down they were getting everything ready and went and got Craig. The sleep Dr. told me that I would be numb from the boobs down and I would feel a little pressure but nothing else. Well just in the few minutes it took for them to get Craig, I felt so tired. I was struggling to keep my eyes open, and I couldn't feel a thing, not even a little pressure.

Here is a picture(not so lovely) of me laying on the table, while they are cutting me open.-Thanks Hun

Well all I remember thinking while they started in on me was "hurry up and get them out so I can go to sleep." My eyes were SO HEAVY, I was very thankful they get the kids out within the first 10 minutes of the c-section, because if it was any later I dont know if I would have seen them. About 5 minutes in the sleep Dr asked me how I was feeling and at that time I couldn't swallow, I was trying not to panic, but I couldn't swallow-scary. So I told him and he was like, "oh, hmm, ok, try and squeeze my hands." so he went from one side and had me try and squeeze his hand, and I could barely move my hand. Of course I really couldn't feel my arms the minute Craig walked in the room because he came over and held my hand and my first words to him was, "dont worry about holding my hand,I cant feel you anyway." Well after not being able to squeeze the Dr's hand he did something and I could swallow again, couldn't really move my arms but atleast I wasn't freaking out.

Well finally they pulled Caysen out, I was so happy, couldn't show it because I was so numb and tired, but I was more excited that he was first so Price had a "big brother". When he held him up all I remember thinking was, "ok thats great put him down because that blood is about to drip on me."-I know what a motherly thing to say right... well thats me. I dont even remember seeing Price, but I know I did.

Here are their pictures.

CAYSEN DEAN 6lbs 7oz. 19in. 7:38am

PRICE MAKENZIE 7lbs 0oz. 18 1/2in. 7:39am

After the twins were born the only other thing I remember of the c-section was hearing thumping before they finished with me. They wheeled me back into my room and the sleep Dr. came in. I was in the room by myself because Craig was with the twins and my mom went down to see them. Well the prick, sleep Dr came in and was like, "well we numbed you, I did a good job, almost a little too good of a job because we almost had to put you under." Apparently when he numbed me and me not being able to swallow, if it would have continued they would have had to put me completely under and put a tube down my throat. All I have to say is "Thanks you butt head!!!" I mean a positive spin is that he numbed me so well that the c-section experience pain wise was PERFECT.

Then Dr. Babb came in and he was the sweetest man, but he told me the one thing I didn't expect to hear. He said they had to use staples because I was stretched so much there wasn't any skin to stitch together. He did tell me the only thing with staples was the outside layer, everything internally was stitched, so thats a plus but I was terrified. Atleast it made since what that thumping noise was I heard.

So you are probably wondering why I made the comment at the beginning of the post that if I would have posted this right after the delivery it would be totally different. The reason I say that is because if I reflected right after delivery I would have said I remembered everything but as I have talked to friends with Craig and told them what I remember Craig would correct me. I know I have dragged this on, so to make a long story short, basically from post c-section to around 7 tuesday night I blacked out.

Here are the twins Tuesday night.

Price and Caysen

Playing catch up

2010-02-19T16:37:00.000-06:00

Ok just wanted to apologize to everyone, I really planned on blogging a lot more, but needless to say I have been a little busier then I expected.
So look in the next few days for a few posts. my posts will include, a summary of the delivery/experience, first month home, recovering from a c-section, and the reflection of being a new mommy-of twins. Also I have to dedicate a post to my friend and Godmother of the twins, Mommy Meggie.

The final hours

2010-01-18T22:41:00.000-06:00

Well I think I can officially say I made it!!!!
I wanted to blog a few days ago about how stubborn I was and wanted to prove to everyone including the Dr's that I knew my body better then them, and that I would make it past the 14th. Which was the orginally C-section date. I really wanted the 27th but there was no way the Dr's would allow that. And now I can see why and I honestly dont know if I would make it or not till then, just in the past day or two the pregnancy "feeling" of being done has really hit me. My hips have been hurting/grinding, I am getting kicked in the ribs so its hard to breath, pressure on my back, the whole nine yards. Then again I wonder if the reason I have been feeling that is because I refused to let my body feel that way before and now that I know its over, I am giving in to my body's natural course. But anyway I didn't want to blog earlier in fear I would jinx myself.
The one thing I wanted to say was, I always made fun of my mom being a "freak of nature" when it came to pregnancy. She never had any pregnancy symptoms, and the only way you could tell she was pregnant was the basketball shaped thing in the front. My biggest thing is that the night before I was born she was playing tennis! To me that is just crazy and thought she was nuts for being able to do that. unfortunately I wont be able to compare my labor and delivery to her since I have to have a c-section, but she had no problems whatsoever and basically "popped us out" my brother and I both were quick. I always made fun of her but now I realize that maybe if I was only having one that I would be the same way. I really haven't had a bad pregnancy at all. sure the heartburn caught me off guard and it typically was because of what I ate or what time I ate in relation to going to bed. I really haven't had any back problems, until a day or so ago, only within the last few weeks have I started swelling in the feet, but its quickly remedied by laying down with my feet up. Of course at first I was not used to my legs feeling heavy, so stairs would be a work out, but it was because of the amount of blood my body was trying to pump with two babies. I didn't have any morning sickness, and really didn't start getting the "I'm always hungry" feeling till about two weeks ago, and it would be on and off. So I reflect now on the pregnancy and have to say that I feel very blessed and lucky to have such an easy pregnancy.
Now my recent feelings have been very difficult to describe. Of course I should feel so excited, and dont get me wrong I am but its being over shadowed by sadness. I know that is not a normal feeling, but after going through IVF and all the shots, tests, etc. I feel like I worked so hard to get pregnant, that the Dr is just going to take it away from me so fast. Of course all pregnancies come to an end, but its only the beginning of the rest of their and their babies lives, but its still hard to think of it that way. Do I want to stay pregnant forever?--Heck No. but just the thought that with IVF you are working to get pregnant and that is what you focus on is the intial getting pregnant, that you dont really think about doing IVF to get pregnant to have a baby type thought. So I have to admit this whole experience is a bittersweet one, I am so sad that my IVF journey is going to be over, but I am so happy my IVF journey will be over. Also I was nervous about the spinal block (the needle) but after my pre-op today and they explained how they numb the area so I wont really even feel the needle break the skin, I feel a lot better about that. The other item I am worried about is breastfeeding. Its the unknown factor, of course I want to try and breastfeed, but its that, what if my milk doesn't come in, or the kids dont want to take, etc. things I cannot control. Everything I have basically been able to control so having something that I am not able to control, makes me a little worried. Also I hate to say it, but I am glad I wont get much sleep the first night because I am so scared to spend the night in the hospital. I have never spent more than a few hours in a hospital, so staying over night just makes me a little upset.
Anyway.... I only have a few hours to go before my babies will be here, this will be so wonderful and of course I will put pictures up when I can.
One last parting picture of my being pregnant for the final time.

Nursery

2010-01-13T21:12:00.000-06:00

Ok so I think I have the nursery to a point I am semi satisfied with. I know most would think I would be in love with it, and its nice, but it's not exactly what I was wanting, but the hubby wanted to have a part so it was a combination of our visions I guess you could say.

Here is the changing table/dresser with my glider, that hubs actually picked the color. And he did the dot pattern.

This wall is a little plain, but I like it. The corner shelves hold our monitor and thermometer.

The art in the corners I did myself, here are close ups...

I really wanted something that had their names on it but didn't want the typical block letters handing over the crib or changing tables.

I didn't feel like moving my hospital bag and supplies out of the way of the picture, so sorry.

Here is another small wall that we put more dots on.

I think they have plenty of clothes to start off with, what worries me is that all the clothes we have are newborn, 0-3 months, and a few 3-6 months, and yes the dresser in the closet is also stuffed with clothes.

So the one thing I actually surprised myself with, was that I decorated more from a practicality stand point. I didn't buy cute little crib bedding, mainly because I couldn't find anything that was in bright colors, that wasn't themey, and would work for a boy and a girl, and worked with the bright green walls. So Since I needed a bumper I bought the breathable bumpers, but I think even if I would have found bedding I liked I would have got the breathable bumpers anyway. Then I didn't put too much on the walls, mainly because I didn't want anything hanging over the cribs that could fall on the kids, or above the changing table for the same reason, and there aren't really any other walls besides where I put the picture up makes sense to put up art. The word art I created will most likely get moved once they start standing in their cribs, but its also far enough away that they will have to really reach. The shelves are high enough that they wont be able to reach atleast not anytime soon, plus there was not way of getting around having something that would hold the baby monitor and to balance the room you need one on each side so I liked being able to use the other shelf for the thermometer. Well sorry for the explination, just felt like it was warranted since the nursery didn't turn out exactly how I invisioned it, but its simple and bright and thats the main thing I wanted to accomplish.

6 days!!!!!

2010-01-13T10:38:00.002-06:00

Well less than a week now. The question everyone ask is "are you excited? are you nervous" and the honest answer is no and no. I mean yes I am excited to a point, but I always thought I would be a lot more excited. I think it will hit once we are at the hospital. Well atleast I hope so. I think what is overshadowing the excitment is my nerves on the spinal block and staying overnight in the hospital. Yes, doing IVF and having to do all the needles you would think I would be ok with needles, but it actually had the reverse effect on me. I had no problem with needles before IVF, but doing three to four shots a day for over a month and then having Craig give me a shot for 13 weeks, was not helpful. So my fear is just feeling the needle. I am not concerned with the risks, like everyone worries about, I just worry about the pain of the shot. I have talked to some of my friends who had spinal blocks and they say you only feel the intial prick of the skin but thats it. So thats my first fear. Once the spinal block is done I will be so happy, and for the most part the whole day will be great. My next worry is the night time. I cant believe I am saying this but I am actually happy that I wont get much sleep, just because I have never spent more than a few hours in a hospital let alone spending several nights, so I am a little scared, but I am sure after the first night I will so tired, that I wont even think twice about sleeping in a hospital.
Well other than the worries, everything is going so well. I really have to say I have been very lucky. Especially with twins I really haven't had any problems, I think I do owe part of that to my Dr., who put me on unrestricted bedrest. I think it has made me go a lot longer. Also I think I owe it to genetics from my mom, who played Tennis the night before she delivered me-impressive.
I will work on getting my nursery pictures taken and uploaded, and give a little more "pregnancy" details.

36 weeks and 2 weeks to go.

2010-01-08T09:41:00.000-06:00

So this week we went to our bio-physical exam. Basically they check out the babies and give them a score out of 8. Well Cayse and Price schored 8 out of 8 which is great for them and me. What that means is that as of right now they dont have to move my C-section up because everything is going well. Along with the scoring they can tell us roughly how much they weigh a piece and Caysen weighed 6lbs even and Price was 6lbs 7oz. I think they are closer than that, just because the tech seemed a little newer. She orginally measured Price and said she weight 6lbs 11 oz. and that is huge since only two weeks ago she weighed 5lb 2oz. so I asked her to check again and it came down. We hopefully go to Dr. Fumia (the specialist) next Wednesday and he will give us their weights again. I say hopefully one, because he had surgery this past week and should be back seeing patients next week, but if not I go to my normal OB and he will just check them out. I wont get to know the weights but I only have to wait a week before they are here anyway at that time.
So health wise I am doing pretty good. I have noticed the swelling in my feet and really my lower legs in general if I am up too long, but I have mastered getting the swelling to go down fast so I am ok with it. I also get tired a lot faster, which is so weird and actually an inconvience right now. I have so many things I need to get done before the babies come that I need unlimited energy to finish. And believe it or not its not all baby things I need to get done, I actually have all of that under control-I think. Its getting things ready for 2010. making the budget which we will need more than ever this year, organizing filing cabinet for 2010 bills, getting tax return stuff ready,etc. Plus I am on this huge cleaning fit right now, and that is really hard. when I get these cleaning spells I can clean the whole house top to bottome, scrub baseboards, etc in roughly two days but I am lucky to get half a room done in one day and that is so frusterating!
Overall everything is going very well. I hope to put the lamp together today/tonite and then the nursery is finished-atleast enough to my half liking. so I will hopefully get pictures up soon. and sometime in the next week I will post a picture of my "final" belly picture.
So the offical count down begins Caysen and Price will arrive in 11 days!!!

School Closings

2010-01-08T09:13:00.000-06:00

Ok I know I dont have kids, yet, but I have to share my opinion.
I remember growing up and you hear all the parents and grandparents saying "when I was a kid I walked two miles up hill in the snow to and from school". And remember thinking that they are crazy, and just making stuff up because they would never have to do something like that.
Well luckily I never had it rough at the bus stops, but still living in Missouri it did get cold. Hardly ever did we have school cancelled for snow or ice. And NEVER did we have school cancelled because it was too cold.
All I have to say is what is happening to our society? I am not saying that its not cold outside, because it is, but there are several northern states that are colder than Oklahoma that kids still are waiting at bus stops and going to school, so why is Oklahoma any different? Yes its cold outside, but I remember as a kid I didn't think it was as cold as my parents did, because you are a kid so it wouldn't bother kids as much as adults, but really at this rate there have been so many reasons why schools have been closed that kids should be in school till atleast July. But that wouldn't happen either because they will cancel school because it is too hot. I do understand that some of the public schools around here dont have air conditioning so it would be a little hot, but they also have to think that not being in school there are a lot of kids that live in houses that dont have air conditioning.
Maybe when my kids get to school age I will change my mind, but for now I think its CRAZY to cancel school because its too cold, kids need to toughen up, we cant shelter our kids for the rest of their lives. When it comes to college they dont cancel school b/c its too cold, they are expected to go, but if they never had to go outside when it was 2 degrees then they wont know what to do. Plus half the kids on days out of school they go outside and play anyway.
Ok I am done venting.... I just hate to sound like "an old person" but kids these days are getting too soft.

Week 35 and 3 weeks to go

2010-01-01T09:08:00.000-06:00

So the last week and a half have been very emotionally eventful. Not too mcuh going on with physical changes, besides a little more swelling if I am on my feet too long, but that is to be expected and actually should have happened weeks ago, so I cant complain.
Last week we went to the multiples specialist and said the twins are growing great. They are actually on track to grow at the same rate of a single pregnancy which is rare, but a great thing. so at 34 weeks Caysen weighed 5lbs and Price weighed 5lbs 2 oz. The only thing I didn't like to hear from our multiples specialist is he predicts I wont make it to Jan. 19th he thinks I will go a week early, which is still full term but its also the same wekk/day my regular Dr. orginally tried to schedule our C-section, but I wanted it to be later, so he moved it back as far as he felt semi comfortable with. So even if I do go early like they predict I am ok with it-to a point, but me being stubborn I set a date and I want to make it to that date. So I plan on using this weekend to finalize everything and the next two weeks, take bedrest really seriously and just lay around all day and week.
This week we went to our regular doctor, and they are still doing very well. They are starting to not like me laying on my back, even though to me that feels the best, because thats when I dont feel all the weight. But the reason the Dr said that is because their heart rates were a little higher 128 and 126, which isn't high but typically they are in the 110's because they cant move much. So that was interesting. I have to admit I was al ittle bummed because every two weeks we take a blank DVD in for him to record the ultrasound, and he forgot to record it, but its not that bad, because its getting to a point now that you cant really see what anything is. You can just mainly see their heads and get their heart rates.
So this next week I go back to the Dr. but I also have what they call, I believe, a bio physical exam. Basically what they tell me this is, is they look at 8 different things from breathing of the babies, to amount of amniotic fluid, etc. and ideally I would get an 8 out of 8. So I have that on Wednesday and right after that I go to the Dr to go over the results. I have a feeling what this basically is going to do is give them a better idea of if I can make it to the 19th or not, so I am crossing my fingers!!
Hopefully at the end of this weekend I will be able to put up pictures of the completed nursery, or atleast to my liking. We still have the swing and everything that goes in different places in the house in the nursery so instead of looking like a nursery it looks more like a storage facility. But again hopefully its done by the end of the weekend... we will see.

Reflections around the Holidays

2009-12-28T12:01:00.000-06:00

In past years Craig and I have been used to spending Christmas day with just eachother. With working in claims for a few years I developed, I guess you could call it a fear of traveling on holidays. I dealt with so many awful accidents surrounding traveling on the holidays that I never wanted to take that chance, let alone have family travel to us on holidays and have them risk it.-Paranoid, I know. But in past years it hasn't been that bad because typically my family has a giant family christmas party with all my aunt's, uncles, cousins, etc. and it usually is two weeks or so before Christmas so I am ok with traveling then. Its great because all of the family lives in Missouri, and every year we change the location. so its either in Kansas City, or St. Louis. Since my parents live in KC and thats only a four hour drive for us, its very easy to go up on Friday and if we have to travel to St. Louis its only a few more hours and so its nice. We usually use this time with my parents to do Christmas. Since Craig's family all live in Indiana, we typically have to settle on ordering gifts via the internet and having it shipped or giftcards. So with my family we actually get to wrap gifts and give them to eachother.
Well this year we didn't get to do that. Since I am so far along in my pregnancy they did not recommend I travel especially anything over 2 hrs. so we didn't get to go. Luckily from what my mom said, it really was a disappointment this year and because of poor planning a lot of the family didn't get to make it, so althought that is sad it makes me happy, that the one I miss is the "crappy" one.
Nonetheless not having a family Christmas party to attend this year made everything feel empty. Craig and I really like spending time alone on Christmas but at the same time not having a Christmas party really made me think. It made me realize that times like this it sucks not having family close. Although my parents have already said that from now on they will come down for Christmas because of the twins and they want to be there for them, it just makes me sad that our kids wont have a lot of interaction outside of the holidays with family, especially Craig's side. I wonder what is in store in the years to come in regards to his family. I am not overally concerned about his dad because he comes out to visit roughly twice a year. Since he is retired he can come out more if he decides, but for one person driving 12 hrs can take a toll on your body. And yes I know what you all are thinking, there are other ways to travel that wouldn't take as long but long story short he will only drive. But his sister and her family is what I wonder. Times like this I wish we had bigger families with his sister being the only sibling and her only have one child, our twins only have one cousin that they will rarely see since. Luckily we have an adoptive family that have two girls, 6 and 3 and a 6 month old boy, and they have a lot in common with us, so we plan on taking family trips with them, and that will give the twins more children and family. My brother is younger and isn't married, so there is no rush at all for him to start a family, so there isn't much additional family on my side. The twins seeing their cousin is my biggest obstacle, since we normally go to Indiana once a year for a week they would have time then, but the next two years it will be tough because Craig only has so many vacation days as well as I and we need to take an actual vacation just Craig and I which we haven't done since we got married, so we have that planned for 2010 and then in 2011 is our 5 year anniversary and Craig's best friends wedding that he is a part of so that takes a lot of vacation time as well. so as of right now it looks like the first time we will be able to go to Indiana isn't until 2012 and our twins will be 2 years old then. I know they wont remeber much before then, but its the principle of seeing family that bothers me.
Ok I am sorry to ramble, but I just wanted to get it off my chest, because holidays always make you think of family and its just sad to me.
On a more positive note I cant believe 2009 is coming to an end, it has been a wonderful and eventful year with 2010 bound to be a huge adventure and an important chapter of our lives.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year, with many blessings for 2010.

White Christmas

2009-12-27T12:35:00.000-06:00

Well I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. It was actually a white Christmas, which was amazing! To Craig and I it was comical because Christmas Eve we actually had a blizzard warning. For most that doesn't seem like a big deal but apparently this was only the second time they have had a blizzard warning in Tulsa. So you would think that this was going to be feet upon feet of snow, well not exactly.... Tulsa only averaged 5.4" of snow-hahahaha. Broken Arrow actually got 8", which was awesome. The only bad part about it was most of the day Wednesday it rained, then Thursday it rained and turned to sleet and by roughly 4 it finally started to snow.
We went to our church's first Christmas Eve service. It was great, yeah it was a little nerve raking getting out in the weather but it was nice going to service. Craig had to help several people get unstuck from the parking lot, but it was fun.
What also made the snow so great was that Royce got to enjoy it. Growing up in Indiana he loved playing in the snow, and now being in Oklahoma that is rare so when we got home, he went crazy and had a blast playing in the snow. Cooper on the other hand, he was born and raised in Oklahoma and so he doesn't like the snow, even with his jacket on. Here are a few photos of the snow and out house Christmas Eve and Day.

Our front door, before the drifts came.

We have lights surrounding our flower bed rocks. The snow covering them was pretty cool.

Here's the house, before it got too bad. It is really exciting, this year our house actually looked like Christmas with the snow.

Baby Update

2009-12-22T19:58:00.000-06:00

So today I was a little nervous because we hard our multiples specialist Dr. appt. This usually isn't anything special, since I have only had to go to him twice during my pregnancy but this appt was a little different, I would really get a good idea of how big the twins were and how far along I really was, if he thought I would go early.
Well today went very well. Caysen is weighing 5 lbs even and Price is 5 lbs 2 ounces, and they are actually right on track for a single pregnancy, in so many words that means I have big babies. Which is a great thing, but at the same time not so good because twin pregnancies cant handle as much baby weight and go early. So I asked the pressing question, what his prediction was of when I would go. He said since my placentas looked good and were handling the weight so far very well that he figured I may go right at 37 weeks. Hopefully in the next couple weeks I can stay off my feet and go to my scheduled date or atleast wait till the weekend before, when my parents will be here again.
But all in all I cannot complain, everything is going extremely well.

One month to go

2009-12-21T11:07:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow will be exactly 4 weeks to go before my C-section. I am starting to get excited but a little nervous for the unknown before then. I treat a C-section like a surgery and with surgery my thinking is, when the date comes that is when you get it done. But when it comes to having a baby its slightly different, you dont have complete control-the babies do. Thats the frightening part of it all. I just hate having to be on edge trying to really be intune with my body to make sure I am not going into labor.
I know with twins everyone says, you get that "I'm ready to be done feeling" a lot faster-like at 30 weeks, but I never had that and I am thankful.
With a month to go its really made me start to reflect on my experience being pregnant. This pregnancy has really been very easy, really no complaints. Of course the going to the bathroom more often is slightly annoying, but pregnant or not, if you have to wake up from a good sleep to go to the bathroom, I think everyone would be a little annoyed. I think the the only thing I really cant get used to and drives me crazy is the lack of physical energy. At the beginning of the pregnancy you are tired, and all you want to do is sleep, but your body will still allow you to do everything you want to do. Now I am not as tired but things take me longer to do and I have to take more breaks and naps. Of course me being stubborn like I am, I try to fight through the physical exhaustion, but I have learned thats not smart. Just a note to everyone... if you ignore your bodies signs of being tired contractions are bound to come-and that sucks. So I have learned to listen to my body and rest. but it really frusterates me when I have what I thought to be a small to do list and yet at the end of the day I only get half of them done!!!!
Just in the last week or so I have noticed the swelling in the feet. I have been a little swollen before then b/c I haven't been able to wear my wedding ring for a month now, but it hasn't been bad. Now my ankles are starting to swell if I stand to long. But as much as I would like to complain, I look at several other women and know I have it very well.
The only other thing that is tough for me is the belly. being pregnant for 34 weeks I am still not used to having this "thing" on the front of me. I bump into everything. I haven't hurt myself-yet, but it really is embarassing when you are out in public and you hit something or at home you knock things over. sometimes its comical but other times I get so annoyed with myself. You would think by now I would be used to it, but it still doesn't feel heavy so if I couldn't see the bump I would even know it was there.
Overall, like I said earlier I cannot complain about anything with being pregnant. Now I am just ready, well not exactly ready, for them to be here so I can start a new experience in life.

Weekend Progress

2009-12-20T22:28:00.000-06:00

This weekend my parents were nice enough to come down, even though they were down here not even a month ago and will be down again in another month. But nonetheless my parents came down. More like my Dad tagged along with my Mom, since my Mom really wanted me to have everything ready to go for the hospital "just in case".
Dont get me wrong I was prepared to back my hospital bag, with a checklist, etc., but a part of me hasn't wanted to get it together because I feel like it will jinx me and I will have to go earlier than the 19th. But I know "mother knows best" so she came down and helped me put it all together. So there are only a few daily items I use that are not in my bag, but its ready to go and sitting in the nursery ready for me.
That was the main purpose for my parents(mom) to come down this weekend, she wanted me to be prepared.
While she was down here we also got my wall decal down (pictures to come in the next few days). Everything on the nursery walls are decals, but the difference between the decal I just put up this weekend and our dots, is all the dots totalled roughly 50 bucks and they are vinyl so you can pull them off and stick them anywhere if you dont like where you have them and they WILL NOT peal off the paint. The wording decal I did purchase from Uppercase Living and I love it! I highly recommend if you have not used rub-on's before or want personalized decorations for your wall to check it out. Anyway... I bought my wording and it was roughly 50 bucks. still not bad, but there is added pressure when you know once its on the wall if you try and remove it you are risking taking the paint off and it wont stick back on. And the sad part is, if you have ever worked retail had to do floorsets, especially around the holidays you have probably done your window displays and used decals-its the same concept, so it should be really easy, and it really was but knowing that if there is a mistake I am stuck. But hey after roughly 30-45 minutes my Mom and I had the decal up on the wall where we wanted. Like I said earlier I will take pictures, but I am waiting for Craig to put my corner shelves up and then the wall will be complete.
The only thing I didn't get done this weekend was put together my "hospital binder". Wondering what that is... well I am a planner and have to be super organized, so I have a binder I have started to put things in for the hospital, like coupons to redeem at the hospital for free formula, free bags, etc. it will also contain all my paperwork I need, copy of insurance, driver license, and a list of people I need to e-mail/text etc to give them an update. Other than that I am set to go.
One thing I have to mention is that the hubs was very sweet and put the carseat bases along with the mirrors in the car. We were orginally going to put the stroller in the car, but after my parents came and were trying to work with the carseats and strollers, I realized Craig and I needed a little more practice before we put it in the car for good.
I am starting to get excited, but I think next weekend I will really be excited because this week we go to Dr. Fumia (the multiples specialists) so we will have a better idea how long I will last, and next weekend my game plan is to, although earlier than I normally do, put up the Christmas decorations and really get all the baby stuff out and have the house "baby ready".
So later this week look for some more updates on the pregoress of getting baby ready along with some more pictures!

Going back-sharing my story

2009-12-17T21:44:00.000-06:00

Well the main reason like I said this week has meant so much is because, when I first found out I had to do IVF, I felt so worthless.
I know they say women dream about their wedding from the time they are like 3, well I wasn't that way all I remember thinking about once I met Craig was I wanted to start a family and having to do IVF, made me feel less like a woman that would be a good mother.
At first I didn't want to tell anyone what I was going to have to go through or what I had been through b/c I was embarassed,but the more I thought about it I really started to like my position and felt like although small it was a calling from God to educate and share with people my experience and to help support other women going through the same/similar situation.
It's kind of crazy but one lady, by chance I met in a fertility forum was thinking of having to do some type of fertility treatment. I actually referred her to my Dr and gave her all my left over meds (I know that sounds gross, and wrong but trust me if you knew how much drugs cost out of pocket, you would understand) My friend was orginally going to try around August of this year but then her and her husband decided not to try b/c she has already had three children from a previous marriage. Well just last week she told me they decided to give it a shot, and she had her ET on Monday. Her situation has been different than mine, b/c her husband has had the fertility issue, but it has made me feel great, and from what she has told me has helped her as well to be there for support and help her through everything. I never thought that helping someone just by talking to them would make me feel like my pregnancy and my journey was worth it and given to me for an even bigger reason than to start a family. It has been a wonderful experience and feeling and I encourage anyone who is going through this situation or a similar one, and needs someone to talk to, to contact me. Or even if you aren't going through this situation but want to know more about it let me know. The one thing I must say is that if you know someone going through this situation PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE try to understand that it is the most emotionally and physically draining and trying time.

***Thanks to all who read, and stuck it out to read all three 'novels', it was something I had to get off my chest***

Going back-God sent

2009-12-17T21:22:00.000-06:00

After a few months of analyzing our situation, and LOTS of praying, Craig and I decided to go ahead and pursue IVF. We knew that we wouldn't be able to try several times, but we both wanted a family and knew what needed to be done. After a little bit of time Craig actually decided to take a shot in the dark and check his insurance one last time to see if it covered IVF, and our prayers were answered... IT did!!!!! There is no way to explain how happy we were, it trully was God sent.
Well once we switched insurance at the first of the year we were ready to revisit the topic with our Dr. and figure out what this journey had in store for us. After having a few more tests done, and getting all our pre diagnosis stuff handled and squared away we began.
I still to this day cannot explain how lucky we were to have insurance that covered IVF. there only roughly 13 states in the US that require fertility coverage, and out of those 13 only a handful actually pay for a large portion of it. And although we live in Oklahoma Craig's company is based out of New York and they require fertility coverage and pay 20k!!!!!
Craig and I decided to start roughly in April.
to give a run down:
Lupron shot from April to May
Repronex shot from April to May
Gonal-F for a few weeks in April
Progesterone from May to August.
Our egg retrievel date was May 8th and they collected 22 eggs(amazing)
19 fertilized normally
May 13th was our egg transfer date. (2 eggs transfered, 4 frozen)
although after the retrieval I had some days I was very uncomfortable. I suffered from OHSS (Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome) I knew it was temporary.
The week of bedrest and laying flat on my back after the transfer was tough, but luckily my mom came down and was there to keep me occupied.
I have to say that was and has been the hardest part of my journey.
Once I was done with progesterone shots(had to take a shot once a day until week 13!) everything has been smooth sailing. I wont say pregnancy has been easy, but it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be.
I trully believe that this was the journey God wanted us to take, b/c things have just fallen into place.

Going back-surgery

2009-12-17T20:54:00.000-06:00

So I apologize in advance, but I just feel like I have to share my story.....
This week has been a very interesting one. and to understand why you have to understand what I have been through. So the next few post will be my story.

Basically last August I went to a new OB/Gyn, turns out he was an endocrinologist, a*k*a fertility specialist. Well I went to of course do the typical meet the new Dr. appt. Of course there is a ton of paperwork, and b/c of his speciality, alot was geared toward fertility stuff. So of course when I go in he reviews all my stuff and says seems like I am in good health. Well when I explained to him we have not used any type of birth control for nearly 3 years it took him back. His exact words were "you should have gotten pregnant by now, if nothing was going on". Well that is always something so encouraging to hear-Not. well long story short he checks me out and discovers that I have septum on my uterus that could be blocking the natural flow of eggs to be released into the uterus, and because of my pain I had felt I had endometreosis, and noticed I had PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome. So he explained to me that he would like to go in and do a hysterscopy, which means he would remove the septum and while he was in there get rid of some of the endo. Needless to say I was absolutely taken back, and VERY upset. I went in to the office in early August and they were ready to schedule me for surgery that next week-I couldn't say yes to that, I was still in shock when I left. After crying for majority of the day and trying to gather my thoughts, I realized I was more scared to have a surgery, since I have never had surgery, I really didn't picture my first surgery being on a part of my body that could really effect my future-kids. Of course Craig was there to calm me down and make me realize it wasn't too big of a deal so at the end of August I had surgery. While in surgery the Dr did a laproscopy to make sure everything was clear. What he discovered while in surgery was that, I didn't have endo, put I had adhensions. Well these adhensions were all over my fallopian tubes so when the Dr ran the dye through my system he realized that my tubes were 95% block due to these adhensions. Of course I wanted to know how these adhensions came about, and what he told me again was shocking. Apparently my pain tolerance is higher than I thought b/c he told me that nearly 5-6 years ago I must have had my appendiz leak. It leaked just enough that I would have gotten pretty sick, but would have only lasted roughly a weekend. well with my appendix leaking my body attacked it like an infection and caused the adhensions.
So of course all this was discovered during my surgery-that went well by the way. But the Dr came to the conclusions that if I ever wanted to have kids I would have to do IVF, Invitro fertilization.
I did not see the Dr after surgery except once I woke up he told me everything went well. I'm sure you are asking why he didn't tell me that I would have to do IVF. well he had talked to my husband and my mom, and they all agreed that with me having surgery around my abdomen that it would cause me to be extremely upset and they didn't want to do that to me so soon after surgery, so they all chose to wait.
Well Craig being as loving as he is, it was tearing him up inside not to tell me, so by the end of the night I knew, and their prediction of me going crazy was correct, I cried and cried and cried.
I went back to the Dr roughly a week later for a check up and that is when he showed me pictures, explained his discovery and what our next step was. Of course the next step would be IVF, the only problem with that was my insurance did not cover IVF and if you are not familar with IVF it is not cheap. You are looking at roughly 10k per try! So not to overwhelm myself we decided to take a few months off and get my body's system regulated before revisting the situation.

Nursery

2009-10-11T20:28:00.000-05:00

This week has been eventful. Craig put the cribs together, and we both realized two cribs take up a lot of room. Sometimes we love the room and other days we hate it. I love that we have a giant window that takes up a whole wall but times like this we wish we had a 5th wall or something. Trying to get the dresser and chair(which should be here in three weeks) on one wall and the cribs on the other, really makes the room feel small. of course not much more will be going in it but still I do not want to have a look in the room of furniture packed in there.

We also bought the mattresses and man they are big. of course they fit but it seems like we were buying twin mattresses.

All in all this week has been really nice, busy picking up the cribs one night, putting them together the next then getting the mattresses another. On top of that I am trying to organize all our baby items we have gotten so far. This week will be a true task because we have a baby shower on Saturday and "bellie" pictures on Sunday (as long as it isn't freezing outside.)

Baby shower

2009-10-04T16:31:00.000-05:00

Its been a little while, but I have finally recovered from my trip to Kansas City/Columbia and the AWESOME baby shower.

The baby shower Meghan, Katy and Aunt Peggy threw was so over the top. Of course anything involving Aunt Peggy you know will be over the top, but I had no idea. Here are a few of the pictures from the shower. The two peas in a pod theme was too cute. And of course it didn't help that it was green. Not only was the shower so great, but all the family and friends that came really was great. OF course the highlight was seeing my friend Meg. Luckily she hasn't changed so it makes me feel a little better, but its just crazy knowing we have been friends for roughly 18 years. But its great ot have someone that has been apart of your milestones in life. But seeing everyone was awesome. It sucked that there wasn't more time with everyone, but I am glad it was only a few hours, by the end not only was I getting tired but getting a little overwhelmed. And I have realized that when I get overwhelmed is when the uncontrollable, random crying of pregnancy starts, so luckily it was over before that happened.

The shower itself was so nice. It was very detailed but it was still casual. We had a sit down dinner that was just enough food, great cake and cupcakes (I Love the fondont!) and then the games we played were not too personal, meaning I didn't have to have everyone touching my stomach. I dont mind people touching me, but after awhile I just start to feel plan fat b/c although its a pregnancy belly it doesn't feel like a pregnancy belly. It feels more like a pop belly. Plus it was going through a growth spurt so my skin was very sensitive. But anyway, the games were fun. Everyone having to guess my belly size, then we played a world scramble game that was SOO HARD! and then guess the number of diapers in the diaper cake-which was 116.

Once we got back to KC we went straight to bed and on Sunday I spent the day organizing all the gifts(all clothes together, all toys, etc.) then I headed back to Tulsa. It was so nice to get home and I think Craig was surprised to see how many gifts we got. But that was quickly trumpt by what I saw in the nursery. Over the weekend Craig had bought all the nursery furniture, both dressers and cribs. Although the cribs we are still waiting on b/c we had to order them having the dressers in there was so a great surprise. He really scored a lot of points. Now the hard part is figuring out where everything will go, b/c you dont realize how much room two cribs take up until you actually measure them and try and place them. It will be an adventure in and of itself when they arrive.

This past week I was exhausted from all the driving, but also having to put the gifts up and finding temporary places for things, doing laundry and doing thank you cards, took up so much time, so finally I got it all together and done. The great thing about it is that now I actually have time to work on my quilt. That has taken up so much of my space in my craft closet that it will be done!!!! I am almost there I am half way done stitching up the shirts which I hope to get that finished within the next day or two and the only thing left will be putting all the squares together, which after what I have been through will be a cake walk.

Once we get the cribs, I will put some pictures up and I will for sure take pictures of my quilt-its been a major projects. Oh yeah and belly pictures to come.

Baby Weight

2009-09-23T18:52:00.000-05:00

*Here is a picture of our "dot" wall*

Had my regualr OB appt today. Everything went well. I am finally in the positive on my weight, I think the tennis shoes helped. The twins are roughly a pound a piece now, which is great. It was a little weird because Craig couldn't be there, but one of my other friends from work who went to Dr. Babb as well told me-of course after my appt today- that if I bring a DVD he will record my entire ultra sound. How cool!!!! We are going next week to buy more DVD's. I am measuring at 27 week size and I am only 21 weeks! but that is to be expected. The only thing he had to tell me was to make sure I should be gaining a pound to a pound and a half a week. That hopefully wont be too hard anymore since I finally have an appetite.

Baby update-and life

2009-09-20T21:39:00.000-05:00

After getting back from vacation-I couldn't have been happier it was a four day work week, but at the same time I just couldn't wait for the weekend to have enough time in a day to get things together.

After nearly three weeks of having the room painted green, we finally got it done to our liking. No we didn't to change the color, tape off patterns or anything, but Mr perfectionist (Craig) kept touching up the trim because a drop of green would get on it, then he would get a little bit of trim on the wall so he would have to cover it with green. a whole week of this nearly drove me insane, but I guess it was cute because he wants everything perfect for our kids, but seriously-its just paint.

That first week we just tried to manage. Before going on vacation we tried to clean out the fridge so we didn't get a welcome present of molded food. But we were so tired from our trip that once the work week started we didn't have the energy to go grocery shopping. So it was a week of going out to eat.

Finally last weekend we had a chance to put the house back together and get things caught up. Of course we weren't completely caught up to where I wanted to be but we were atleast on track with work, the house was cleaned, groceries bought and we were able to focus on baby stuff. Last weekend we ordered our dots. Craig decided he would rather spend money on buying multi colored circle decals then paint. Which I have to admit, took less time and cost less money in the end.

Also our carseats came in(thanks mom and dad) they were so cute, and fit well in the stroller. I think that gift actually made it seem a little more real that we are having two.

So this past week we got the carseats and by Friday night have the dots in place. of course there are two little walls that we want to put a few dots on but the main wall is done and thats all we really needed, the other two are bonuses.

Not only did we get the room done, but all my scrapbooks, journals, and photos albums are caught up for babies, so that makes me feel a lot better. This weekend I was able to make good headway on my highschool quilt. I wanted to have it done by the end of the week, but I dont think I will have time, plus there isn't a rush.

I have a prediction that this week will either go by really fast or really slow. Along with work and end of the month coming up, so projects are due, I am getting to help plan my "Tulsa" baby shower so the invites I got completed this weekend, I just have to send them out, then figure out food and drinks and order the cake. Games.... well I will see after this weekend's baby shower if I want to do games or not. On top of that I have another Dr appt., Dr. Babb. (this past week I had my first appt with my "high risk Ob" he was weird and it was a long two hour appt, but it was great because they measured EVERYTHING bladder, kidneys, brain, bones, etc. and I got pictures of it all-so it was cool. but luckily I dont have to go back to him for another month.

But this week I have my normal Ob. and then get to go to KC to see Fame on Friday with Mom, and Saturday get to see Meghan in forever. I think the last time I saw her was in OKC nearly six months ago. Then we are driving to Columbia to have my first baby shower. It will be so much fun. The only thing I worry about is where to put everything when I get home, since we dont have any of the furniture for the nursery-yikes!

Oh well only time will tell.

Oh I cant believe I forgot this week was a big deal. On Wednesday the 16th, we felt the babies kick for the first time-it was cool. They still aren't super active(atleast that I can feel ) but I feel more every day!!!!! :)

Indiana Vacation

2009-09-20T21:23:00.000-05:00

Well its been awhile, but in preparing for our yearly week long trip to Indiana, working on the nursery, etc. the blog went by the wayside. So I apologize.-like it really makes that big of a difference because there isn't too much to report.
Our trip to Indiana went pretty well. We broke up the trip on the way to Indiana by leaving Friday night to head to KC to stay with my parents, then left early in Saturday morning to stop in STL to not only visit my grandma and grandpa, but to get a 3D ultra sound. Michelle, my soon to be aunt, works for a 3D/4D ultrasound place and was nice enough to do an ultrasound for free. ~So thank you Michelle. It was great to visit my grandparents. I dont get to seem them often, but when I do its so nice. It always feels like I havent missed a beat with them. Well not only visiting my grandparents was nice but the ultrasound was going to be a great way to start our Indiana vacation by knowing the sex of the twins. Well Caysen(our boy) was not the most cooperative,but I couldn't blame him since Price(our little girl) was kicking him the whole time. Well I gave it away but we confirmed we are having one boy, Caysen Dean, and one girl, Price McKenzie. we were so happy and the photos we got were amazing.
So onto Indiana. there isn't much to report on the week, minus we got to go shopping ALOT since the outlet mall was roughly 10 min away, needless to say this was probably the first time I didn't have a problem with Craig golfing so much during the week. I got to go shopping every time he went golfing. He did go with me and we spent way too much money on ourselves but it was nice. Also Carmen(sister-in-law) got us the Flip video camera. It is awesome! along with the cutest piggy banks I have ever seen. They are like the old school piggy banks. (I would show a picture but we left them in Indiana since we had no room to bring everything back with us, so Craig's dad when he comes in November will bring them too us) Also she gave us a bag of bottles, and a LARGE tupperware container of clothes. Its wonderful for me because I dont care for shopping for girl clothes, so it gives me even more reasons to buy boy clothes!
Not only did we visit Carmen and the family, we got to visit Craig's Uncle Greg and Aunt Marge. They are so great to spend time with. For me I think I enjoy it more because they are outsiders looking into Craig's family too, so I feel like I can relate to them better. The visit was too short but they are coming for Thanksgiving so that will be nice. We also had dinner one night with the Pease family, and lunch with our Pastor Rob. We got to do our "yearly" marriage check up, the results are good. But its just nice to have that reassurance.
Overall we got to relax alot, but at the same time had no time to relax trying to meet up with everyone.
What will be interesting is thinking about the next trip it wont just be Craig and I and the dogs but Craig and I and the babies-most likely not the dogs. Royce is getting a little too old for the trip and he gets stiff. Cooper on the other hand can handle it but he is so senstive with his allergies that he is sick nearly a week after returning.

Big baby step

2009-08-23T22:25:00.000-05:00

So this week we found out we were having atleast one boy. We got to see the "prized jewels". The Dr. isn't sure and cannot confirm or deny what the second one is, but he believes its a girl!!!! That is so wonderful to hear. We really didn't have a preference on what we were going to have, just because of the journey we have had to take to get here, but the more we thought about it the more we both knew we didn't want two girls. So as long as we saw want set of "goods" we didn't really care too much what the other was. Of course we care, but we are impartial on our feeling of two boys or one of each. Although I will not lie having one of each will be so nice, because we have always wanted atleast one girl and one boy, so now we don't have to feel rush to try again and go for a girl or go for a boy.
Another great thing was this weekend my family came to visit. It was so nice to have them around, a little exhausting, never thought entertaining even my family would wear me out, but it did. The nice thing was that they helped us paint the, what we used to call the boys room, green for the nursery. Now its officially going to have to be retitled to the nursery. I love the green. The only down fall is that the walls didn't have any paint on them just the builder tinted texture stuff from when it was built so we had to prime. Well most of that was done by Craig before my family came and then we painted the green. The green is so bright and true that it needs two coats. So although we pemiered the paint color yields itself to thin spots, so that is our goal this week. to do little by little of the second/ "touch up" coat.
This week should be an interesting one. Hopefully I will have time to post pictures of the "prized jewels" along with the nursery walls.

On a different note another great thing in the works is Craig getting a VP title at work. Although he wouldn't be the vice president of the branch, but it would distinguish him from a lot of the other bankers. HE is still in the top 200 bankers in the company, so since they wont be able to give him more pay because he is maxed out they can atleast give him more recognition, and they will. That's a very positive thing, and I couldn't be more excited for him.

Welp until next week, which I have to admit I may slack because we head to Indiana Friday night for a week vacation so not a ton of internet access or time, but I will try.

Nursery

2009-08-16T22:17:00.001-05:00

So the biggest event this past week was then nursery. Craig and I decided that we would paint the nursery green. It was actually very shocking to come up with the color because since its my favorite color, I will pick a shade of green for everything. I joke with Craig and tell him that if I had it my way I would have a house with every shade of green possible in it somewhere. So I was trying really hard to not put green in then nursery because the spare bath, which will be the babies bathroom, is a shade of green. This I have to point out was not our doing it was like that before we moved in. But we have a green comforter set in the master. All the office/game room containers, etc. are green. the accent wall in the living room, green. so needless to say I was trying hard. Now I have always said before we found out we were having two that I wanted gender neutral items so that if we had a boy first that we could use the same stuff for a girl the next time, etc. So this whole time I have been picking green and orange things because those to me are the most neutral. Of course once we know the sex we will pick A FEW gender specific items like clothes but that's about it.
So back to the nursery, after like two weeks of debate and suggestions from my mom as well that we should do green, I gave into the idea. So step one was complete but choosing the green.... that was another story. That took another week to decide and then we run into another snag today... We picked all the colors for the nursery but decided we would get the paint that would be the most versatile. Well of course our luck... the colors we agreed on, only game in a basic paint-not what we wanted. So we had to spend another 45 minutes figuring out which green matched our previous. it was a pain but hey at the end of the day WE GOT IT!!!! next battle to primer or not to primer. who will win that battle. Either way we have to figure out what we are going to do because my family is coming in town this weekend are offering to paint so there is a time limit on this. We will see.
Pictures to follow after the room is painted, hopefully its not too bright.

Update

2009-08-08T14:31:00.000-05:00

Well its been awhile since I last posted. I was trying really hard to atleast post once a week, but that didn't last long. Hopefully now since I have a lot of my small things done, I can get a lot more time on the computer.

To get things caught up... one with babies. We were released at the beginning of July after our 9 week ultra sound to go to a highrisk OB. The great thing about Dr. Babb is that a lot of women I work with had him, so that makes it a lot nicer.

At the end of July we had our 12 week ultra sound, and had a long appt. At that time we could have been able to see the sex of the twins, but of course neither of them wanted to show us "their goods" it was really cool though because they are laying head to head and Baby A was break dancing on his head, just spinning in circles, and Baby B was mooning us, so needless to say they have their own personalities.

Here is a few pics at week 12.

Our next ultrasound was this past Wednesday but the placenta was in the way so we didn't bother trying to get photos. This time the twins were play fighting, kicking and punching eachother-well not making contact of course, but they looked like the rock'em sock'em robots. It was too cute. My measurements was 16 weeks, so I am only 2 weeks ahead of a singleton, which is good. Some might ask, why is bigger by two weeks good, well.. Dr. Babb has told us that at 28 weeks I will be measuring the size of a 40 week singleton-yikes!
Our next appt is the 19th, hopefully we will find out the sex of the two at this one. Its really important because my family is coming in that weekend and offered to help paint the nursery so any help we can get especially with painting will be wonderful. But who knows.
Also this week we got our tandem stroller-thank you parents :). I was able to put it together all by myself-a small victory. It is officially our first baby product. We are one step closer.(and we know there are MANY steps)

The last two weeks have been very interesting. Craig decided that he was going to turn his car into insurance. When we traveled to OKC in May he got what we thought was road construction paint on the right side of the car. Well, him being the car guy he is he drove him crazy, so he finally gave in and turned it into insurance. A possibly week job to take the paint off and polish the car turned into them having to tear the whole car apart and paint EVERYTHING from top to bottom. It has now been two weeks that Craig and I have car pooled some days but he has rode his bike on others. I think now I am more excited for him to get his car back then he is.
Since we have had to car pool, I picked him up from work two weeks ago and we decided to go to lunch. After lunch I asked if I could just show him the baby furniture. To my surprise he said yes!!! But since we were on the opposite side of town he wanted to try a few furniture stores to see if they had any nursery furniture. Well to this day I think it may have been a set up because we went into the first store and saw no baby furniture, but since we were there we looked at the living room furniture he was thinking about. (I was ok with that because he wanted leather and I like leather but its hard to find contempary leather, thats not super bulky) Of course Craig foudn some that he liked for a good price. Some how I managed to keep him out of the store without purchasing. So we went to another store and had no luck on anything. So I thought I had made it to Babies 'R Us clean and clear, but across the street from Babies R Us was another furniture. No doubt Craig had to stop there, well they had nursery furniture but much higher priced then what he wanted to spend. At that time I thought he had gotten over his living room furniture "look", I was wrong. As we started to give up on the leather and we were walking to the doors, he found his "ideal pieces" well there was no talking him out of it, so we drove home with a new chair, ottoman, love seat, and couch.
So you are probably asking.... did we ever get to Babies R Us? Yes, at 9:30 that night :( I wasn't really happy, but hey he liked it and agreed to it. So last week we registered. Another small step to baby ready.

9 week ultra sound

2009-07-05T18:02:00.000-05:00

Well this Wednesday we had our 9 week ultra sound. This time around we were a little more excited. Already we feel like we can see the personalities of the twins coming through. I still realized that no matter whose ultrasound it is, its still not all that interesting till the end. Atleast this time instead of being worms they looked like little gummie bears. Well atleast baby A looked like a gummie bear. Baby B was being a little camera shy so it didn't like a worm just a blob. The part that was really cool was when they did they blood flow view. Baby A you could see the actually heart pumping things in and out.
So the appointment was bittersweet. We got our 9 week ultrasound done, but now we are released and will no longer be going to Dr. Bundren, but to Dr. Babb. Its great to be released, but I loved the small office, with just one nurse, one receptionist, and one Dr assistant and one Dr. Dr Babb is the same way, but its still not the same, they saw me through the really hard times, but the good thing is they said I am always welcome to stop on by to show off the "bump" and when the babies come, them too, but the point first off.
Now that, thats all over I am just waiting for the call for my first appt with Dr. Babb and some other "high risk" Dr that will run some tests on the twins.

(I am still working on uploading pictures, I just never remember to scan the pictures in and to sync up with my external hard drive to retrieve them)

The up's and down's

2009-06-28T10:54:00.000-05:00

This week has been overall pretty uneventful, and that's a great thing. At the beginning of the week I started getting my appetite back and was so happy, but I felt like I was over eating. Although that wouldn't be a bad thing right now because I have lost a total of 5 lbs since my pregnancy journey started. But the eating was short lived. By Wednesday I was only really hungry in the morning and suffered from food adversions. The feelings came and went all week, but I have been reading my "books" and learning to try and eat healthy while not being interested in a lot of food.
I'm not too worried about the week ahead, although I am calm right now I know come Tuesday and Wednesday I will be panicking and even questioning if I am pregnant, even though I feel it and look it, I'm just get nervous right before Dr appts now. But I know everything will be good. All I know is that right now I am so excited to get this week started. Plus its great that Craig and I both have Friday off so its nice to have a three day holiday weekend with the hubby.

It's starting to set in.

2009-06-21T16:58:00.000-05:00

So I love weekends when we have plans with friends, but at the same time, I am not a fan of having two things on two extreme suburbs of tulsa to attend at roughly the same time. I get tired, luckily Craig is the one that drives but its still tiring.
I think the good thing that really came out of this weekend and hanging out with friends is that the whole pregnancy thing is really starting to sort of feel real.
On Saturday Craig had to work in the morning so I used the time to buy him "father to be gifts" I got him a weight set that he really wanted, along with a card and a cute little cake. I also had to run to the grocery store to get ingredients to make the lemon cupcakes for our friends, Todd and Melodies housewarming party.
When Craig got home of course he had to go outside and work on the yard which I hate him doing because it is always the hardest part of the day when he goes out there,b ut none the less he mowed and still had plenty of time to relax before we left.
Well we headed out to collinsville which is roughly 30 minutes from our house to Todd and Melodies. Thats when it really started to kick in that we are really pregnant. Melodie is just four days behind me in being pregnant so its great to have somone share everything with. And Todd was so sweet and everyone wanted to talk about so I think that kind of helped.
Then we realized that we needed to get to Jenks (which was roughly 45minutes) from Todd and Mel's house, at around 9. (we were suppose to be there close to 9) but of course we were running late and got to Jeremy's band's last set, so needless to say we didn't leave there till nearly midnight. Well it takes us another 20 minutes to get home so it was a late night.
I thought I did pretty well but I really felt my body being drained this morning, but ohw ell. I guess thats just another reminder that we are finally PREGNANT!

Special Date

2009-06-20T14:44:00.000-05:00

This week overall was very uneventful. Rrcovering from the late hours of the motorcycle ralley, along with Craig's dad being in town till Wednesday morning. Craig's dad was here from Thursday to this past Wednesday morning. The week was filled with Craig and him, doing alot of odd and end jobs. They hung our storm door in the back-which took a lot longer than all of us thought it would take. Then fixing our annoying toliet and the figuring out how to fix the unexpecting outlets not working in the our master bath. Which that was an event within its self. Friday morning I got ready for work and plugged my flat iron in and it didn't work, of course I was running behind so I didn't have time to reset anything. Well I didn't say anything to Craig or his dad, since they were already on their way out to the golf course, so I just left it till I came home. Thinking it was no big problem and actually convincing myself that my flat iron was just shot. I came home reset the ground switch-still not success, figured I must have tripped the breaker, so I went out to the garage, it hadn't flipped but I turned it off and then back on, and yet still no success. By this time I was needing to get ready to with the guys to the car show, so I just used an outlet in the bedroom and I was set to go. Of course I had to tell Craig and leave it to Carl, to try and make it seem like a quick fix, which I have to admit frusterated me and felt a little bit like an insult. I just wanted to say "hello! just because I am a girl, doesn't mean I dont know how to flip the breaker or test the ground plug" well needless to say it took until Monday afternoon to get it fixed.
Anyway back to the week, well Wednesday was a very big day for us. It was not only our 3 year anniversary, but our first ultra sound!!!!! I have to say at the end of the day we were not overally impressed and flat out tired. Of course our Dr. appt couldn't be in the morning, it had to be at the end of the work day, and anyone that has appointments later in the day knows that you never get in on time and you are lucky to get in 30 min after your schedule visit. Well hey, 30 mins past our appt time would have been wonderful, but of course when we are dying to know if our medical rollercoaster has finally leveled out, we get behind a lady in the office that is so needy on such a miner thing. So instead of getting at 3:30 we didn't even see the Dr till just after 4:45. No big deal right... WRONG! their A/C had broken so it was so hot, Craig and I both had exhausted our emotions so we just were ready to get out of there, and I had gone to the bathroom at 4:15. So when the Dr came in he saw baby A great but couldn't get a great picture of baby B because my bladder was too full!!!All I have to say is "Thanks lady!" it was great to hear both heartbeats, and I think we felt more relieved than excited. But atleast it set a nice happy tone for the rest of the evening for us going out to dinner. I think our next ultrasound on the first of July will be a little more exciting for us.
But all in all it was a great anniversary. This whole pregnancy has been so blessed so far. Finding out on my birthday, May 27th that we were pregnant. Babies being due around Craig's birthday in Feb. and getting our first ultrasound on our anniversary. And what makes it even better and just really proves to me these are my babies are they are right on schedule! I love that they are exactly 7 weeks, on my 7 week ultrasound. Its nice to say things are going according to plan.
( I know everyone probably thinks we will put the ultrasound pictures up, well maybe, but if everyone is like me its a while bunch of nothing so no rush to put them up yet.)

GUTS Church-We Ride They Eat-tougher then hell

2009-06-14T22:37:00.000-05:00

This weekend our church had their annual "tougher then hell" motorcycle ralley. This is the 9th year for this. This was actually my first time attending the event. Last year I was in Dallas with a friend, but Craig got to ride.

The reason for this ralley is our church has sponsored an island-La Gonve, Haiti, to help support. This island has no water to drink, or use to grow anything, so we raise money to pay for water drilling machines, to create wells. Also to clothe and feed young kids. And our next endeavor is to gather enough equipment and people to have a full functioning medical clinic.

This time of year is the reason it makes me so happy to go to GUTS.

But whether you are big into church causes or not, I recommend that anyone who has a bike, try and attend this ralley. Yesterday nearly 5000 bikes gathered at the church and took a 100 mile ride around NE Oklahoma. No words can describe the experience of seeing all those bikes gather and leave at one time, its organized choas and all doing it for a good cause.

I did take a few pictures but I was a little disappointed because by the time the bikes were filing back in it was dark and with their lights, it made it very hard to get the feel, and full effect of the bikes.

general update

2009-06-14T22:13:00.000-05:00

Its been a week now. I would like to update a little more regularly, but my goal is to atleast do it once a week.
Well this week has beenpretty ineventful. I never realized how much being pregnant makes you tired. What makes it even worse is that with the progesterone shots I have to take every night, those side effects are the same as being pregnant-which is mainly being tired. I know that I dont cook every night and clean every night, and always thought that if I was in a position to have Craig do most of the work I would love it.-WRONG! Its killing me that I cant fix dinner because I am just too tired, plus I feel queasy 24/7 so cooking isn't the easiest thing for me to do. And cleaning, well it just takes me longer to clean the house, like two days instead of only a few hours. I get so tired, just after dusting that I have to basically take a nap, then get up and do another chore, etc. Everyone says that the first trimester you are super tired, but only sometimes does the second trimester back off on the tiredness. I am hoping this is the case, plus as far as I know I only have to take these progesterone shots for the first trimester. so if nothing else I wont be as tired. On top of everything else, I have been diagnosed with late insomnia. (I have no problem falling asleep at night but i wake up a few hours later and cant get back to sleep) so pregnant or not, if you dont get much sleep you will be tired. Oh well theres not much I can do to change it so I am just waiting it out. I have to give a big thanks to my wonderful husband for being so sweet and supportive. I know its killing him inside to have to do so much work, but he is a trooper and most of the time does it with a smile.
I have to take a minute and share how proud I am of Craig. This past month has been very crazy(mainly with all the medical issues that I had to deal with). Craig had to take a few days off this month. For most that doesn't seem like a big deal, but Craig being a Personal/Small Business banker as he likes to say "time is money" so him not being there could potential cost him business. Well rankings came out this month and he is 9th in the nation for his position and 175th in company for personal bankers. This may not seem like anything special for most people but, being as young as he is and even being in the top 750 is the company is a HUGE deal. (if you are top 750 you get to go to a special conference in nice place like, Vegas, Florida, Hawaii etc) I just couldn't be prouder of him!

The First!

2009-06-06T21:54:00.001-05:00

Well I think the first is always the hardest, but I am attempting to start blogging. I have delayed it long enough. I have to admit I was still a little unsure, and still am, on this whole blogging thing, but thanks to Meg, I have decided that now is as good a time to start as any.
After doing some research and reading some peoples blogs I feel a little more comfortable doing something of this nature, to keep everyone updated.
I always thought our life was never interesting enough to blog about, and who would want to read it. Now I have realized though that I think this isn't necessarily strictly for the entertainment for others, but a brief relaxation/therapy session sometimes.
So from the beginning I apologize for some short, some boring, some complicated blogs. Hopefully it will be a learning process and will see the improvement and comfortably as time progresses.
Naturally I feel obligated to play catch up before just blogging on day to day things.
Craig and I have been married for nearly 3 years. Right after getting married we moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma due to my job at the time as a claim processor for State Farm Insurance. Now I am an auto underwriter, but still with State Farm. We rented a decent, old 3 bedroom 2 bath house on the western side of Tulsa. Craig was jobless for about a week, but finally started with Wells Fargo. He quickly left Wells Fargo and started working for JP Morgan Chase as a personal banker in April of 2007. After living in Tulsa for only a month we decided that our baby,dog, Royce needed a playmate so we were quick to buy a Boston Terrier that we named Cooper. This purchase was probably the most difficult of anything. Poor Cooper has so many health problems when we got him from a breeder, which baffles me, so within the first month I would estimate we spent over $1000 on vet bills and at least every full Saturday at the vet. It was tough but I think it just made me closer to my little baby. Craig and I look back now and just laugh, because when we brought Cooper home we were so afraid Royce being an Olde English Bulldog and weighing 75lbs, would crush this tiny dog that weighed maybe 3lbs at the time. Man were we wrong. As soon as Cooper was big enough to handle his own feet, and actually before then, he was showing Royce who was boss. Taking anything and everything Royce was playing with, etc. We feel bad for Royce, and still cant figure out how he became such a big softy, but that's ok, he is the lover not the fighter and we all know, including him that if he really wanted something he would get it from Cooper.
Well in Jan. of 2008 we officially became home buyers. Going through the home buying process was difficult, not on our end but dealing with the sellers. Our realtor, who has been in the business for over 15 years, even said she had never met more difficult people, but hey none the less we got the house we wanted for the price we wanted. Everything from there kind of gets a little boring(like it wasn't before) but we really have just been doing the typical home buyer projects of yard work, painting rooms, etc. Whats great about living the "boring" life it gives us plenty of time to hang out with each other and at work. I think being in the new house has given Craig more motivation to excel at being a personal banker. Within the first full year of being a banker for Chase, he became nationally ranked. he was in the top 750 bankers in the country for the company, so that was amazing. Unfortunately due to the economy the national ranked bankers conference was cancelled, it was set for Vegas, and although the company had money for the conference they felt it was bad publicity(which was a good decision). This year he is determined to beat his ranking from last year, and makes sure they have a great conference location this year.
Now I think everything is up to speed, so whats going on currently.
Well after a lot of medical speed bumps to say the least, and lots of bed rest, we are officially pregnant. Currently I am 5 weeks and 4 days along. Based on blood tests, the Dr thinks we have twins. Which seems very scary, but before the journey began the Dr prepared us that our chances of twins were very high. As of now I am still realistically optimistic. Due to all of our conditions the chances of miscarriages are extremely high, which makes it hard sometimes to really enjoy the pregnancy. Luckily I am not feeling too many symptoms, except being very tired all the time and a constant queasy feeling, but hey I will take it. This pregnancy I already feel is very special. We actually found out we were pregnant on my birthday and will have our first ultra sound on our 3 yr anniversary. So its time to just enjoy the ride!
-Sorry for the book, but the first is probably the longest-